Spring: New Beginnings, New Blog!

Baby boomers should kiss Spring like a long-lost cousin. Every Spring, we get a new chance at life!

Spring is the “natural new year,” the time to plant the figurative seeds for what we want to grow more of in our lives between March 20, 2009 and March 19, 2010. The dormant season of winter is over. It’s time to sow our creations, whether they involve love, health, wealth, a new project, or a new point of view.

Nature doesn’t run on the Gregorian calendar. As I’ve said before in other posts, we have been off-cycle with the seasons in our January-December way of marking time for 500 years. None of us knows how many new years we have left, whether we’re 18 or 80. So, let’s make the most out of the powerful planting season spring represents and do a Cool Insights Exercise on what we want to manifest for the Natural New Year.

Exercise: Planting Your Seeds of Growth
In this activity, you’re going to create a seed packet. I like to use colored envelopes the size that fit a standard greeting card. Even if you’ve got some “plain vanilla” leftover envelopes from cards you’ve received, that’s OK, because our next step is redecorating!

Draw, paint, or collage onto your envelope whatever inspires you. You can name your seed packet for a project or something high on your list of things you want to manifest: Love Seeds, Prosperity Seeds, or in my case, the name of my new blog, The Radical Virgo. (More on that below.)

Now, find yourself some slips of paper—whatever appeals to you. My friends and I have used colorful ones, round ones, plain ones. On these, you’ll write your metaphorical seeds for growth. Take some serious, quiet, and contemplative time to do this exercise. It’s the reverse of the winter “burning bowl.” Instead of burning what you want to get rid of, these pieces of paper will contain the fiery seeds of your new beginnings.

Place your packet in a special place—your altar, nightstand, near your computer—wherever you’ll see it often enough to remind you of what you’ve planted—what you want to grow and expand this year. I take my seeds out often and look at them thoughtfully to see how they’re growing. You can also “plant” them--put them in a special box or a pot. Whatever makes the metaphor real for you.

A few tips:

~~ Seeds are simple. Keep to a few words or small phrases.

~~ If you are tempted to plant many seeds, as they germinate, you will “thin them out,” so that the most robust ones have the opportunity to grow to the fullest. Few of us can do in one year all the things we “plant” in spring, and it’s OK to set aside seeds that naturally seem to need more time to germinate.

~~At Summer Solstice, we will look at the seeds again, and I’ll talk about them in a post. The idea is to see how they bloom; then at autumn equinox, we can see what’s ready for harvest.

To give you an idea how the planting and culling process works: I just checked my seed packet from 2008. Of my eight seeds, one has grown into a plant—my completed book—and I’m making major progress on four others. Two need to germinate longer, and I have let one go, recognizing it isn’t important at this time.

Making Seasonal Sense
In my Calendar New Year post, Things to Bear in Mind as We Round 2009, I talked about how we need to slow down, even hibernate like a bear in winter. If you did not take that rest, don’t be surprised if your energy doesn’t rise with the tree sap as quickly as you’d like. It’s not too late to reverse it! Put on some eye shades and block out the growing light while you make up for lost winter nap time. You’ll be happy you did when your energy level bounces back for the effort. A little down time in late winter/early spring means a lot more bounce between now and the Summer Solstice in the third week of June. You’ll have high energy!

If, like me, you resemble Sneezy the Dwarf this time of year, it’s time to have a summit conference with your sensitivities, the flowers and trees—and your medicine cabinet. I hope you won’t make my perennial mistake of allowing myself to be miserable rather than to take some medication, natural or prescribed. I have missed some of the best of the spring season by being unwilling to put on my big girl pants and take my medicine. Allergies sap your energy. A head that feels like it’s about to explode will not be able to focus on gathering seed energy for a creative burst. Congestion is not conducive to springing forward into the new.

Joyce’s New Astrology Blog
Speaking of new: For those interested in or curious about astrology, please visit my new blog, The Radical Virgo. It launches with its first full post on March 21 to catch the spirit of the Equinox seed energy. Until then, there are a couple of short posts and a link to an article I wrote for Inner Sanctuary blog, “Your Cosmic Tractor Beam.” It explains how and why like-minded people are drawn together.

I am very excited that I have been guided back to writing about astrology, guidance which has been coming slowly into my consciousness over the past six months. While I am unlikely to do individual astrology readings in the future (I have been retired from that work since 2003), astrology will always remain a tool that has brought me closer to the Divine and to understanding the magnificent workings of the universe—everyone and everything that’s a part of it. I love writing about it and the lively exchanges among my fellow star trekkers. (Ironically, the woman who used to do a Star Trek radio show and headed the William Shatner fan club was also named Joyce Mason.)

In the near future, I’ll be posting an article in the SkyHints Sidebar for people whose experience of astrology is primarily reading their horoscope in the newspaper. Newspaper horoscopes are a very limited version of what astrology has to offer, so for those who have an inkling that “there’s more out there,” I hope to give you a taste of how most modern astrologers use their knowledge of the sky as positive a psycho-spiritual tool. Psychiatrist Carl Jung used astrology extensively in his practice.

Meanwhile, I hope blogging in two “solar systems” here on Hot Flashbacks and The Radical Virgo just continues to make me a better writer and blogger and doubles the benefits to my readers. This is one of the spring seeds I’m planting. Let’s share how both yours and mine bloom in summer, then reap their fruits at the autumn harvest. Hope to hear a lot of “seedy” comments, now and in the future!

Happy Natural New Year! Hoe-hoe-hoe!

~~~

For those who also want to plant the real thing this spring, here are a few seedlinks: Burpee (largest and oldest), Seeds of Change (organic), and Victory Seed Company (heirloom).

Auntie Mame: A Tale for Today, Tomorrow, and Always!

“Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.’ –Auntie Mame



Who’s Auntie Mame?
She’s my heroine and mentor, a larger-than-life character. The movies, Broadway plays and musicals that tell her madcap story are based on the novel by Patrick Dennis, a book inspired by his real-life aunt. However, it was Rosalind Russell who brought Mame to life most in her 1957 stage performance and the 1958 movie, “Auntie Mame.” Her message? “Live, live, live!” She was an adventurer who advocated opening new windows and doors every day.

Mame has a lot to teach us, not only about getting the most from life in all its stages, but also how to deal with our current hard times. To quote Mame in the lyrics from the musical:

"We need a little Christmas right this very minute!”

We could use a lot of Auntie Mame--now.


The Basic Story
1928: Mame’s conservative stockbroker brother has just written his will. To his dismay, he is forced to leave his only son, Patrick, to Mame, his crazy sister and only living relative. He knows it’s just a formality, because he’s in perfect health. But just in case, out of concern for her influence on the boy, Mame’s brother names a conservative banker, Dwight Babcock from the Knickerbocker Bank to be Patrick’s trustee and to handle all the money.

As fate would have it, Mame’s brother drops dead at his health club the next day before the ink is dry on the will. Soon Patrick and his dad’s loyal Irish housekeeper, Nora Muldoon, arrive at the door of Mame’s apartment on Beacon Place in New York City. Their first encounter sets the stage for the rest of the story.

Mame is hosting a wild party with all kinds of bohemians and foreign dignitaries. Her close friend, flapper, and actress, Vera Charles, is suffering the latest effects of Mame’s free-flowing bootlegged booze. Being “hung” after one of Mame’s nightly parties and sleeping the next day past noon is par for the course at Beacon Place.

Patrick’s companion and former housekeeper, Nora, thinks she has brought the boy to a den of iniquity. Mame, though, wins him over immediately, and her bond with Patrick is instantaneous. “Come to me, my little love. I’m your Auntie Mame!”

But it’s not all fun and games. Mame’s worst hour is when she is caught defying Babcock’s edict to send Patrick to a stuffy, snooty boys’ school. Babcock discovers Patrick has never shown up at the school of his choice. Rather, the boy has been romping naked at an “experimental” school in the Village run by one Mame’s bohemian friends. Babcock arrives just as the kids and staff are acting out the way fish spawn. Not impressed by the spirit-freeing practice of nudism or such hands-on biology lessons, Babcock sends Patrick to a far-off boarding school. It breaks Mame’s heart.

Feast before Famine, a Tale for Tough Times
Soon, Mame’s heart was not the only thing broken. By now, it’s 1929—and you guessed it—Mame and all her wealthy friends are broke with the stock market crash. (Sound familiar?) How does Mame’s philosophy of “live-live-live!” cut it during the Depression? What does this heartwarming story tell us about living through tough times and flourishing in life all the way to the finish line?

For starters, Mame is not too proud to go back to work and open her mind to new ways of making a living. She tries three things—all disasters. When Mame goes back to acting and turns a Shakespearean style play into an episode of “I Love Lucy,” the star, her friend Vera Charles, is not amused. It just intensifies their ongoing rivalry since they acted together in days gone by.

Next Mame tries her hand as a switchboard operator. Remember, those were the days when the operator made the connections. Soon her board looked like a bowl of spaghetti after an earthquake. There were so many hang-ups and disconnects flying, she probably caused several international incidents.

But as they say, the third time’s a charm. The final job was still disastrous—an attempt at being a clerk at Macy’s during the holiday season. Mame couldn’t get the hang of writing anything but a COD order, or of how to keep her carbon paper from trailing out of her sales book. But here’s where the charm comes in. Mame nearly botches a sale with a rich, handsome Southern gentleman named Beauregard Jackson Picket Burnside. They fall in love and marry. Happy and prosperous days are here again!

Unfortunately, Mame’s bliss with Beau was short-lived. A shutterbug, during one of their trips around the world, Beau falls off an Alp stepping backwards for better perspective while taking Mame’s picture. After a lengthy gig as a melodramatic widow, Mame finally takes heart in writing her memoir, “Live, Live, Live!” This new project brings more amazing adventures to Mame, nephew Patrick, and their family of friends.

Mame’s Message for All Seasons
Whether life was up or down, Mame believed we should always, “open a new window, open a new door,” those juicy lyrics from the musical version, “Mame.” (Mame was played on Broadway in the musical version by Angela Lansbury and the movie musical by Lucille Ball.) Mame was rich in friends, an exchange that never crashed. Her loyal staff paid her bills with their savings when Mame was penniless. While we can’t all marry a rich Southern gentleman, Mame oozed integrity. She married Beau because she was in love with him, when her easy out, earlier, would have been to marry “dear Lindsay,” her prosperous beau before Beau. Mame refused to do in hard times what she hesitated to do during good times.

When the going got tough, Mame got creative. She wasn’t too proud to pawn her belongings. When her spirits needed lifting, she insisted that her little family celebrate Christmas early, because, “We need a little Christmas, right this very minute!”
Mame’s spirit was indomitable, her mind and heart both as open as the great outdoors, she had principles and a lust for life rarely matched. These are just some of the reasons why she’s my role model, but add one more. As a person not blessed with children of my own, auntie has been one of my most beloved roles in life. My nieces and nephews, no doubt, see me as their “unusual” Auntie Joyce, too.

Finally, like the baby boomers who read this blog, Mame just got cooler as her hair was touched by gray and she had a great-nephew to “open new worlds” for.

Mame Is Eternal
Recently on Facebook, I was asked to answer “44 Odd Things about Me.” Since I believe life doesn’t end with physical death, it was easy for me to answer the question, what song would you like played at your funeral?"

Open a New Window, Open a New Door …”

~~~

If Mame’s story inspires you, why not rent the DVD today? If you’re on Netflix, it’s available as a download right to your computer screen. Don’t underestimate the power of a funny movie with a fabulous message to uplift you during trying times or anytime.

Affirmations: Part 2, Column 2

My last post, Wall-to-Wall Inspiration, covered the topic of inspirational words, especially affirmations. There is a powerful second step to making affirmations work. It seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle in the smiley-faced enthusiasm of some of our more eager metaphysical go-getters. I’m making fun of myself, because I used to border on being one of them.

The Complications of Over-Simplifying

While I’m on the subject, there is a real danger in our culture of oversimplifying things to the point that they—or we—become caricatures. This is exacerbated by a culture that relies heavily on video as a medium for information and entertainment—always entertainment—even on the most serious topics. Everything is reduced to video clips and sound bytes, and the more we live media-driven lives—we micro-blog on Facebook and Twitter in a sentence or two—the more we are apt to lose the core nugget of truth for brevity.

For example, there is fabulous information in the movie, The Secret, which claims to reveal the most powerful law in the universe; however, if you don’t listen to it with a discerning ear, it comes off sounding like a very materialistic form of magic, one without heart and soul. As I say often, it’s not the tool; it’s how you use it. Knives are instruments of nurture to a cook, and in the hands of a skilled surgeon, a lifesaver. In the hands of a serial murder—not.

I don’t want to get into the controversy that has sometimes surrounded The Secret; it has its pluses and minuses like all people and things. But I do want to say this: affirmations are another one of those things that will either not work, backfire, or sound really stupid to seriously grounded realists if you don’t know the second step. The reason the smiley-faced metafoofoo types never seem to have gotten it? It has to do with negatives. They don’t like them. (I didn’t invent the expression metafoofoo for airy metaphysical types, but I do claim to have added the smiley-face! :) I think the perennial positive thinkers haven't yet found the positives in negatives.

The Positive of Negatives
Here’s the second step. You must spend time writing down the negative mind-chatter that pops in as you affirm your new way of thinking, your positive statement. If you do not get it out in the open on a piece of paper where you can face it squarely, it will sabotage you.

This takes some emotionally painful and rather time-consuming work. My spiritual teachers taught me that it takes writing the new affirmation and coughing up the negative self-talk 77 times before the new idea “sets.” Hopefully, it sets firmer than squiggly Jell-O and takes root in your mind like an oak tree. Remember, mighty oaks from tiny acorns grow. These little seeds of self-discovery will yield big.

I was taught to do this exercise by folding a standard piece of notebook or other 8.5 x 11 lined paper lengthwise. You set up two columns. You can call them whatever works for you. I usually marked them, simply, with the plus (+) and minus (-) symbols.

You need 77 lines, so use as many pieces of paper as necessary. Maybe it’s not a magic number, but it’s enough writing to do the job. You don’t have to write all 77 affirmations and your inner responses to them in one session, but if you can make the time, that’s ideal.

Here’s an example. I wanted to work with the affirmation: I am lean, fit, centered—energetic. For starters, I realized it’s a four-in-one, and I’d have to do those declarations one at a time, starting with “I am lean.” Here is some of what popped out in my process, with the Column 2 Minuses in parentheses:

1. I am Lean. (That’s a laugh. Just look at you!)
2. I am Lean. (You lean over cuz you’re so fat! That’s your “lean.”)
3. I am Lean. (Well, maybe under several inches of pudge.)
4. I am Lean. (But you had a fat mother; her mom and sister were fat. You come from a fat family!)

I don’t want to bore you with my obnoxious, personal demons, but I do want to report that at some point the talk in Column 2 will begin to change. It happens quite naturally:

18. I am Lean. (Maybe deep within)
19. I am Lean. (Hmm, well, OK, I think that’s probably who I really am.)
20. I am Lean. (Your uncle is fit and in control of his eating. He’s 82 and still traveling and having fun!)
By the end of this exercise, you will have actually downloaded the barriers to your beliefs and put them out in front of you where you can deal with them. I have lost 9 lbs. since affirming “I am lean” and dumping out my negative mind chatter for examination. I’m sure affirmations aren’t the only reason—I was using multiple tools—but I can’t deny they factored into it.) For some more excellent examples, especially about blocks to prosperity and manifesting money, read Using Affirmations to Uncover and Transform Negative Beliefs and Attitudes by Douglas Bloch, a profound self-help author who speaks from having walked the path from pain to wholeness. Also, here’s another similar spin on how to do affirmations with some additional and delightful twists, including singing them: Motivation Tips by Carla Valencia.

Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative
That peppy old tune by Johnny Mercer, Accentuate the Positive, sung by Perry Como, tells us not to mess with “Mr. In-Between.” In order to eliminate the negative, we have to find it! Rout it out like the rat infestation in my garage and turn the whole mess over to Mr. Clark, the namesake of our pest-control service. When we affirm without finding and eliminating the negatives, we haven’t finished the job—or the paper work. We are, indeed, messing with Mr. In-Between. We can’t get anywhere, because we are laying a foundation on faulty ground, one with potholes, sinkholes, and a host of hidden pitfalls and pratfalls.

Try this process, and please share your success stories with our Cool Insights family. It’s profound and practical!

~~~

Photo Credit: TORN BLUE PAPER FROM NOTEBOOK © Loraliu Dreamstime.com

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NEW FEATURE: Cool Saging Conversations

Check out the new feature and sidebar on Hot Flashbacks, Cool Insights! I’m participating in a meme on Pop Art Diva’s Saturday Soapbox on various issues near and dear to baby boomers. Memes (pronounced meem, long e like beam), are a way of propagating culture, analogous to the biological transmission of genes. Anytime we communicate by whatever means about culture, these conversations propagate cultural evolution from one mind to another. In other words, if we talk about our culture, we change it! I will post Cool Saging Conversations beside my regular posts, not just in response to the Saturday Soapbox, but on all kinds of cool saging topics. Today’s inaugural post is response to the Pop Art Diva’s Saturday Soapbox on March 1, “Are We Wasting the Resources of Our Elders?”

Wall-to-Wall Inspiration

I have been on a spiritual quest most of my adult life. I have considered affirmations to be among my favorite tools for cool living ever since I first heard of them. I thrive on inspirational quotes, too.

Affirmations
As for dictionary definition, an affirmation is: Something declared to be true; a positive statement or judgment. These positive sayings recognize how the mind and spirit work to help create in synchrony with Higher Power. They are like magnets of attraction—positive thoughts and beliefs attract positive experiences. Most of us have had life-long training in how to find what’s wrong with things—or ourselves. How ‘bout declaring a whole day where you only look at what’s right? I’ve been amazed at how many situations have taken a U-turn toward much better outcomes when I have done this simple attitudinal turnabout.

Inspirational Quotes
Being a “word bird,” as one friend used to call me, I am probably more inspired by written language than most. I use a Franklin Planner, and I love the daily quotes. This year I’m using the Simplicity filler. (Simplicity is something I’m desperate to have more of!) Here’s one: The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. –Stephen R. Covey

I feature Simple Inspirations here on Hot Flashbacks, random quotes that pop up on the bottom of my blog. If you’ve never scrolled down that far, check it out! Sample quote: Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. –Antoine de Saint-Exupery. This saying has long been one of my most trusted measures of right relationship.

One of my favorite sources of words that keep me on track and often amused are the Quotes of the Day that I have activated on my personalized iGoogle page. Example: Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

There are mountains of quotation sites online. Try some, if you haven’t already: The Quotations Page, Think Exist (my personal fave to date), or Quotations for Creative Thinking.


On and Off the Wall
We are living in a time of economic distress. Favorite stores and businesses are closing by the droves. My own State of California has been hovering on the brink of bankruptcy. Several cities here that have already gone under. During this kind of bad-news bombardment, affirmations and inspirational words are more important than ever.

Wanting to take time for more of those pump-me-up words, I figured what better way than to “clock” them! I was in dire need of constant inspiration, so I visited Pop Art Diva’s Store at Café Press and bought the clock in the picture on this blog post. It reminds me to take the time to: Imagine, Trust, Believe, and Receive. Affirming these realities and feeling their truth activates the invisible stuff from which all substance flows. Our creativity helps draw to us ways to meet our needs through a variety of sources. We were given such blessings of ability, made in the image of the Creator. When we focus on universal abundance rather than believing that the latest distribution issue has to be our personal experience, we remain in the flow of divine substance. Substance comes in many forms, and it all begins with an open mind to tap into the source of all creativity and solutions.

God Helps Those …
The expression God helps those who help themselves could sum up the purpose of this post. Those who are less religiously inclined can think of it as, Good begets good.

What a piece of work is man. How noble his reason. How infinite his faculties. Shakespeare wrote it, and the cast of “Hair” sang it to us. When we can unite our minds with divine order or that which is good in humanity—the natural desire to seek our own perfection—we can really go places.

We can also get out of some really bad places like a blue funk, self-pity, poor self-esteem, and the down-spiral of a day going downhill or one pessimistic thought leading to another bad thing happening. Bad luck multiplies when our magnet is sending out bummer signals.

So, I say plaster the walls with good words … paper them, plaque them, clock them. Don’t be afraid to wear them on your person, even! I love word jewelry. When I turned 60, my friends and I created a croning ceremony as a positive rite of passage. During this acceptance of my sage role, I received a necklace that says on one side, Heals, and the other, With Words. You can order a necklace customized with anything you want on it from my friend JoAnna at Light Drop Jewelry.

When it comes to seeing the writing on the wall, Café Press is just once source of an abundance of products and ideas. It’s one of my favorites. Here’s one good reason why. In my post, Cool ‘Phinsights about my experience swimming with a dolphin named Eva in Hawaii, I mentioned what a baby boomer diva she is—the oldest at Dolphin Quest (38), but also the spryest because she is the highest jumper among her mates. My blog readers were all ready to adopt her as our dolphin diva mascot. I discovered that Café Press has a whole line of “Dolphin Diva” products. After that, I figured you could find just about anything there!

Dive in! Consider decorating your personal space with words to inspire. Make it a womb where you gestate the life and feelings you want to create and celebrate.

Information Indigestion

Information overload is the new Alzheimer’s. It makes us fuzzy-headed and mentally bloated. It feels like a bellyache in the brain. We stuff ourselves, day and night, at the All You Can Eat Info Buffet. We are glutted with mental stimulation, luring us with its delicious aromas of fun, friendship, news, games, and get-rich schemes. There’s more information to digest in a day than most of us used to swallow in a month, maybe even a year. If someone can invent an Alka-Seltzer for the mind, that genius will be laughing all the way to the bank.

At least once I week, I think I have entered senility early, a prospect that is very worrisome to a baby boomer. The symptoms: I have misplaced yet another important piece of paper or lost track of some file, on- or off-line. I’m constantly asking people to re-send things or tell me something over again. (I know we have a close working relationship when I’m no longer too embarrassed to ask.) I used to track so well. Now I forget names and details. Where did they go?

If the Industrial Revolution changed our lives, the Information Revolution is changing how we live and process data more than any paradigm shift in recorded history. Supposedly, we use only a paltry percentage of our brains. That’s not only embarrassing to me, anymore; it’s a handicap. The need to process more information faster has me doing daily mind aerobics—word games and puzzles to stoke the fire of my synapses. I’m bent on shaking up a few memory cells and leaping around cyberspace more limber and muscular in my gray matter.

Even the brightest people are having a hard time handling the bombardment on all sides by info, info, info. You’ve probably heard the initials TMI. A couple of decades ago, it sadly stood for Three Mile Island and a terrible nuclear disaster. Now when someone says TMI, it means Too Much Information. The meltdown is a state I call Advanced Overwhelm.

We are not losing it. Now that we have computers, which, after all, are modeled after our own brains, the analogy is easy. We have just run out of RAM! (Would someone please put out a missing person’s report on my Random Access Memory?) By the time we’ve lived three or four, much less five to seven decades, the part of our brains that retrieves stored data and makes all the programs work is nearly full. We need an upgrade!

At the rate info is flying into our lives, we have to store and retrieve it at speeds we never have known before. We’re still operating like antiquated 286 computer, that relic clunker we plunked on before we even used a mouse and everyone was on the Internet. Our machines run at gigahertz speeds so fast, our brains can barely fire in the same range. Am I the only one who’s a little creeped out by this? Remember “2001, A Space Odyssey” and how HAL, the computer, attempted to sabotage and take over the mission?

We are now bionic. Computers are extensions of our minds. But we have to let our heads catch up with this break-neck evolution. (Is this why my neck hurts so much, so often?) We are being overwhelmed with voice mail, e-mail, faxes—websites, fancy phones that integrate this entire communications smorgasbord—and, yes, blogs, Tweets, Face Bookings and more! Ah, for the good old days when there was lag time. (Remember letters? Days to arrive and no one expected an answer for a week or two.)

Now that everything is instantaneous, we expect each other to do 100 more things, right now, all at once. All those requests and communiqués in your face … all those senders knowing you got it right away. No wonder we’re stressed out. Truth is, most emergencies—unless you happen to work as a 911 dispatcher—are of our own making. We are so impatient. Sometimes I feel like we’ve regressed back to the toddler stage when it comes to social graces. Gimme, gimme—want it now!

A new and improved high-tech species will only evolve out of the latest revolution if we exercise our minds a lot, lower our expectations a little, and remember what happens when a system tries to do more than it’s built for—it crashes. Before we have a collective nervous breakdown, go meditate and/or do something mindless ... and remember well-rounded people who play as hard as they work are the most creative and productive. And when we get those extra moments to rethink things a little, bear in mind that “information is not knowledge,” one of the great catchphrases of the New Millennium.

Last but not least, if you can’t slow down and simplify … if Advanced Overwhelm gets the best of you, take an Info-Seltzer and call in sick in the morning … then turn off the TV, computer, cell phone, handheld, and all the communications gismos and listen to yourself think. You might be amazed at how this low-tech, retro practice can heighten spirits and your put your brain back in gear!

~~~

Photo Credit: BUBBLING MEDICINE, © Wizdaz Dreamstime.com

The Converse Golden Rule

For some of us, the Golden Rule is not difficult: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Treat others as you want to be treated.

If you’re anything like me—if you have the Golden Rule nailed—you might be such a giver and so other-oriented, you might want to learn its complement. I call it the Converse Golden Rule: Do unto yourself, as you do unto others. Treat yourself as well as you treat others.

I pour myself whole-heartedly into every job, friend, family member, committee, club, and project to the point that I often drain myself of my own life force. My first job was as a social worker, and I admit, I have always done some sort of social work ever since, whether in my day job, avocation, or part-time work on the side. It might have been called something else and the purpose may have appeared to be something else. But it was still “social work.” I am a do-gooder and helper through and through.

When Giving Hurts
Unfortunately, like anything done to an extreme, excessive “doing unto others” can be damaging to both the giver and receiver. There are often hidden psychological issues behind too much giving. One possibility is a need for love and approval. Another can be that we are mimicking an intense nurturing style from a parent. We tend to do as we are taught until we consciously break the cycle, whether it’s being abusive or smothering a kid with rib-crunching hugs till he yells, “Uncle.”

Whatever the cause—and, if it applies, that’s for each of us to examine and work on—helpers need to learn to help themselves. There is nothing wrong with caring about others, but when it’s at the expense of your own health, accomplishments, joy and fun in life, it’s time to meet the Converse Golden Rule.

I was finally able to turn around some of the more destructive aspects of my Giving Tree behavior by deciding to treat myself like I’d treat one of my closest friends. What a concept! I wish I had thought of it sooner. This I knew how to do—well!

My reference to the Giving Tree is a book I remember discussing at my women’s consciousness-raising group in the ‘70s. (Remember those?) While many would find Shel Silverstein’s children’s story endearing about an apple tree who loves a little boy so much, it gives and gives till it has nothing left to give; some women on the cusp of liberation were not amused 35 years ago. They were righteously indignant. They felt this was the wrong message to be sending our children—to give and give with no regard for themselves. It touched too close to the bone as the traditional role women were expected to play. They were tired of being nothing in and of themselves and only regarded as valuable in their role as compulsive givers.

On Balance
Boomers have had to integrate some true extremes in our lifetime. Most of us were children in the ‘50s but reached young adulthood in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Could any two eras differ more? Ozzie and Harriet meets Michael the Meathead and Gloria. My struggles with being pulled in these two opposite directions are full of both humor and pathos when I flash back on my life. I felt schizoid in the ‘70s trying to sort it all. I did not understand who I was or who I wanted to become as the palette of possibilities expanded, thanks to the Women’s Movement.

But one thing I learned the hard way, while stumbling all over my own self-discovery, is that I had to love myself more—a lot more. This is what nurturers ultimately have to realize. If our joy is in giving: we will have nothing left to give once we are completely wrung out … a dish rag killed in its prime by constant overuse, cleaning up other people’s messes. Who gave to the Giving Tree kid once the giving was all gone?

Loving You
Doing nice things for yourself will get easier, once you live by the Converse Golden Rule and become your own best friend. Soaks in a hot tub, days to yourself declared and taken behind shut doors or away from home, weekend spiritual retreats—they are all yours for the taking. Sorry, but most of your excuses are lame. So are mine.

But I think it has to go even deeper than R&R. You have to resonate to and vibrate outward a deep love of your own being. Self-love is not vanity. It’s knowing your own magnificence as a reflection of Creation and Creator.

Whatever you have to do to find that connection with your spark of the divine, give yourself that Valentine.

Whether it takes journaling, talking to your best friend until her ears burn, or years of therapy: give yourself a gift this year and the same one to your loved ones by creating a wellspring of self-love from your innermost core. It’s a wellspring because it emanates from the Ultimate Source.

Now for my gift to you. Here’s a clip of the most beautiful song I have ever known that celebrates self-love. It’s called How Could Anyone Ever Tell You (you are anything less than beautiful), written by Libby Roderick and performed by Shaina Noll. The album it comes from, Songs for the Inner Child, is something your own inner child would love on Valentine’s Day or any day.

Now, go hug yourself!


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Photo credit: WOMAN SHOWS HEART, © Foto.fritz Dreamstime.com

Journals: The Sort-It Detail

We all talk to ourselves, even if we don’t do it out loud. A journal performs the most important follow-up function to inner dialogue, what I call the Sort-It Detail.

It’s much more difficult to sort what we’re learning and how patterns repeat themselves without annotation—like trying to do math in your head. Journals are spreadsheets. They allow you to “go figure.”

Since I am a writer, the habit of writing my thoughts and feelings is natural to me, but my journal has morphed over time to a custom fit. I invite you to try on some journaling styles until you find the one that’s perfect for you. Like a comfy pair of shoes, your journal needs to fit well but boast a style that’s yours alone and makes you feel like a million.

Since I live at my computer, I have developed a Word template for journaling. I print out the pages in color and prong them into a three-inch binder, the kind with a clear front pocket, so I can make a custom cover. At the end of each year, I reread and relive my 12-month journey and contemplate where I’m headed next. My journal has sections in the back for greeting cards and other keepsakes.

My template header, in a fancy font, says Joyce’s Journal. The subtitle is Learning, Growing, Spirits Uplifted, Stuff Sorted. Below that, I type the date. I insert an ever-changing graphic beside the header to fit the content of the day’s summary. For example, on a day I was angry, the clip art was an explosion. These “icons” show me, at a glance, the quality of my days and how my moods are shifting.

The most important part of my journal is a box on the left that runs the longer side of the page, Things I’m Grateful for Today. Each day, I find at least 10 things. It’s not difficult for me. I have a lot of practice.

I believe that the universe gives back to us as much as we appreciate the gifts we are given. When we send out gratitude, more abundance flows our way. But that’s not why I journal thankfulness. It’s just polite to say thank-you for generosity. It’s who I am, how I was raised. Maybe your custom column is Blessings I Count. Observations I’ve Made. Positive Experiences.

Speaking of the universe and sky, once it turns dark, we dream. I have a different template for my dream journal, and I mix the pages in my binder—waking and dream accounts. I simply sort them by date in chronological order, the most recent on top. For example, on June 3, there was a journal entry. On June 13, I wrote down a dream. This isn’t strange to me, as I revere the information from the subconscious as much as consciousness. I’ve learned to “play the symbols” in various careers, especially as an astrologer and dreamworker.

Perhaps the most important thing I do in either my dream or journal entries? I give them titles. Whatever we choose to name our entry is an intuitive key phrase for the experience, day or night. You can do a quick review of your journal at any time, just by paging through and reading the titles. You’ll be surprised at the sensation of your whole year flashing in front of you!

Best of all, my journaling technique led me to realize I could use similar techniques for telling my life’s story. What a fabulous discovery while writing my memoir with the same name as this blog, Hot Flashbacks, Cool Insights.

May all your insights be cool!

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Honorable Mention - This article won Honorable Mention in the 2008 annual essay contest on Be the Star You Are! The mission of this wonderful not-for-profit corporation, is to provide, promote and distribute its library of books and other media to empower women, families, and youth-at-risk to improve their daily lives. I love their slogan, "To Be A Leader You Must Be A Reader!"

Thank you, Cynthia Brian and the judges, for allowing my star to shine in your galaxy!

Photo credit: GIRL LOOKS THROUGH WEEKLY JOURNAL, © Zigf Dreamstime.com