Friday, June 26, 2009

Your Cosmic Tractor Beam

There is a law of dynamic attraction in the universe where like attracts like. If being positive didn’t simply feel good on its own, this magnetic quality of “good draws good” is the other reason for adopting a permanently upbeat attitude.
I want to take it a step further. Being yourself—authentically you—is one of the most difficult challenges of being human. No man, woman, or child is an island. We need to belong, and the truly happy person has not just friends and family, but community. All these levels of connection are essential to joy.

Yet we so often give parts of ourselves away to meet the energy of others in the middle, like politicians who tone down their stances and beliefs in order to appeal to the most voters. Our blending behavior creates a bigger zone of safety and acceptance in our minds. But does it really?

Holding Back: A Survival Strategy

I feel especially qualified to talk about holding back your true energy or resonance to blend in. I’ve had training since childhood. I was adopted when I was three weeks old, and my parents were very different from me in a number of essential ways. We just weren’t wired the same. Yet, they were so loving; I didn’t even realize it until I grew up! Mom and Dad made me feel like I truly I belonged, and I was willing to sacrifice some of my individuality for that sweet prize. As I started coming into my own in my twenties, I was stunned to find out that my way of being, based on their programming, was far different from who I really am. My poor mother didn’t know what hit when my move to California, the women’s movement, the ‘70s and my first group therapy experience all conspired to steal her daughter right out from under her—or the one she thought she knew and had molded.

To be fair, my adoptive parents’ differences from me were also a big plus. I am naturally a non-stop thinker—very mental. They were down-to-earth, practical, and totally heart people. My development would have been lopsided, had I grown up in my birth family. My birth mom made my constant cogitation look like child’s play! (I was reunited with my family of origin in my late thirties, and I have a perspective that not many people enjoy of being able to see which parts of me came from nurture rather than nature.)

Still, “not being you” can harm you in the end.

Drawbacks of the Quick-Change Artist

With all my talents for blending in, I had a knack for finding the wrong relationships, whether friends or prospective mates. There was nothing wrong with these individuals—or me. We were just mismatched at an energetic and evolutionary level. I was not putting out who I really am, but rather, morphing myself, like a chameleon, to fit the energy of the people I wanted to please or whose lives I wanted to be a part of. Frankly, I didn’t think there was anyone like me out there! Never having met people on my beam, I didn’t believe they existed.

What I didn’t understand: I could not draw to me anyone like me because I wasn’t being me.

"Banding” Together

Ultimately, I learned that as energy beings, we emit a frequency of our true selves that is like a radio wave. When we’re “on,” being our essential selves, people on the same bandwidth are drawn to us. When we are broadcasting our frequency, others on the same or nearby frequencies pick up on it and hone onto our signal like a tractor beam.

This all happens in the ethers. It’s invisible—you can’t see or hear it while it’s happening—then presto! Some new person pops into your life that’s an obvious member of your soul family. We hear the expression “putting yourself out there.” That’s what it takes to make energy-based matches with like-minded, compatible people. Only it’s not so much a matter of pushing your energy outward. It’s more about being centered in who you are and allowing the universe to draw in the relationships you need.

It’s so human to make the same mistakes over again. If we’re growing, we make them at higher levels, getting the same lesson more clearly each time. I still morph myself—sometimes all but turn myself inside out—to fit in. It often happens unconsciously, when more kindred spirits aren’t available to play or when I don’t know a person or group well enough yet to realize we’re on a different frequency. Then, of course, there are all the many things we can want from someone or a group of some ones that interfere with being in integrity: love, sex, career advancement, fun.

Recently, I became aware that I was being a contortion artist in some relationships and had to reassess my participation. When I decided to let go of what was becoming negative for me, draining, and far from an energetic match, I created the usual void left by surrender.

While I was still making the decision to let go of my latest energetic mismatches, someone literally honed in on me when I returned to my own center and self. Out of the blue, I got an e-mail from a reader of one of my astrology articles that I had written 17 years ago, a perennial favorite. Soon we were e-mailing like mad and could not believe how much we think alike and share the same views of Spirit, the world, and how to live in it. It was simply exhilarating, and a true testimony to why it is so important to be true to yourself. It takes courage and trust. It’s worth it! This “chance” encounter was the catalyst for creating my second blog on astrology, named after the article that had touched him so deeply, “The Radical Virgo.”

Energetic Shift

In the larger sense, the shift we all need to make is to do less and be more. We are called human beings, not human doings. While I know the importance of frequent meditation—how it strengthens our energy field and helps us resonate to our core selves, I still have a hard time with the discipline of doing it. I even try to “do” when the practice calls for me just to “be” there. Show up, sit in my meditation spot, and close my eyes. What could be simpler? But “human doings” can’t seem to accept that our value is inherent. Too easy? How the human mind loves to complicate things.

If you’re a helper and a person of compassion, my closing thought is for you. It’s an expression I’ve heard about what it is to really help others—and ourselves.

It’s not what you do; it’s who you are.


Photo Credit: BEAM © Navarone

Thanks to Leslie Smith of
Inner Sanctuary blog for first publication of this article.


Susannah said...

Hi Joyce, great post.

I totally agree that we are broadcasting our signal and attracting resonances and so true that if you are not being yourself you are not getting a true reflection.

The other point is that no matter how positive and upbeat we are on the outside if it isn't the same in our internal landscape then we won't always get that reflection - our signal is projected from what we are, not what we do.

I advocate positivity but not at the expense of wholeness.

Two of my recent twitter quotes -

"I would rather be whole than good" - Jung


"The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate."- Jung

Sometimes things in life are not positive but the knack is to experience and process the feelings and then choose the most life affirming way forward.

Excellent article I really enjoyed it - thanks :-)

Joyce Mason said...

Susannah, thank you for this rich and thoughtful comment. The point you make about the internal landscape is crucial. I often refer, tongue in cheek, to "smiley-faced metafoofoos," the "upbeat and glossy" people who speak in metaphysical platitudes and convince themselves externally that all is well without dealing with the issues broiling underneath. I totally agree that this is not being truly positive.

Wholeness usually takes addressing darkess--past and present pain--to be authentic. Perhaps a good point to make is that when one's in that process isn't a great time to form new friendships. My few poor choices in relationships have occurred while "processing." Often we feel very lonely while grappling with inner work, a solo and isolating job. I have sometimes reached out to whoever is nearby, not thinking that my tractor beam is temporarily drawing according to my inner, painful state.

We are definitely on the same beam here, and it's important to discuss that the beam "works both ways." Thanks, again, for your important addition to the discussion!

Heidi Caswell said...

So true Joyce. Wonderful post.

Think how much talent is lost in this world by people not wanting to stick out, but blend in.

One of my very bright sons had a grade school teacher who held contests throughout the week. Little prizes such a bubble gum. He wan every contest the whole year, everyone. Later he felt like it caused him to have less friends and worked harder at blending in. More of a slacker instead of using his mind. Glad to say he seems to have gotten out of that.

I've also learned to be in turn with myself, especially in business. Great to learn from others, what they are doing right. But we each have our own unique talents and I make a better me than a "her", "her", or "him". And as I act on promptings, being myself, I attract some cool business people.

Joyce Mason said...

Heidi, so good to hear from you and that you resonate to this post. One of the ironies I've learned is that the more I am actually the true me, the more people love and appreciate me. It's so hard with young kids, though, where fitting in is king. It must be great to watch them grow in the laboratory of life!

Intuition is one of the best gifts we've got. The more we use it, the sharper it gets. I'd be lost without it!

Eileen Williams said...

Thank you, Joyce, for yet another great post that got me thinking on a deeper level. (Yes, your cogitation is catching!)

As a people pleaser for much of my life, I've used my blending skills to great extent-- often to the detriment of my own authenticity. With age and a growing sense of self, I'm remedying this habit.

I loved your thoughts on resonating with people of like energy and I also agree that we can learn much from those whose energy is different. Life is a banquet (as our beloved Auntie Mame reminded us) and we need to appreciate all the richness and diversity therein. So, let's eat, drink and be merry, and enjoy the breadth of energy we find, while not forgetting or downplaying our own unique essence.

Joyce Mason said...

Excellent advice, Eileen! While it's delicious to hang out with people on our beam, if that's all we do, we'd sure miss a lot. I think of the opening party in Auntie Mame and all those one-of-a-kind characters that were her friends--and yet, how open she was, and how well she handled, those that were not only off-beam from her but maybe from another stratosphere. Thanks for your wise words.

PopArtDiva said...

I think my favorite part of this whole article was "we are human BEINGS not human DOINGS"!

As a "normal challenged artist" I was always sort of a "square peg" - though I often felt the pressure and sting of not fitting perfectly into the "normal round hole" people had dug for me!

I now embrace all the things that make me different and figure if people don't like me they can go away, lol. You know what? Some people did - but they were the ones who made me feel bad about myself - whaddya know? And the people who came into my life when I was being more true to myself were a much better fit!

Joyce Mason said...

Hi, PopArt--

I wish I could take credit for that human beings versus human doings concept. Can't remember where I first heard it, but it is such a succinct reminder to me about balance with my work and other overdo tendencies.

It's good to hear your validation of similar experiences. As we grow, the goal of which is to put forth our unique reflection and expression of All That Is, we naturally lose some folks along the way. We're shedding old layers of holding ourselves back or just not knowing yet who we are. I, too, have found that they are necessary, even healthy losses.

Thanks for your valuable input.

Katinka - spiritual said...

Just stopping in to let you know I'm thanking you - and others - for linking to my All Considering blog on this lens on squidoo:

Anonymous said...

Love your post!!!!!