There is a law of dynamic attraction in the universe where like attracts like. If being positive didn’t simply feel good on its own, this magnetic quality of “good draws good” is the other reason for adopting a permanently upbeat attitude.
I want to take it a step further. Being yourself—authentically you—is one of the most difficult challenges of being human. No man, woman, or child is an island. We need to belong, and the truly happy person has not just friends and family, but community. All these levels of connection are essential to joy.
Yet we so often give parts of ourselves away to meet the energy of others in the middle, like politicians who tone down their stances and beliefs in order to appeal to the most voters. Our blending behavior creates a bigger zone of safety and acceptance in our minds. But does it really?
Holding Back: A Survival Strategy
I feel especially qualified to talk about holding back your true energy or resonance to blend in. I’ve had training since childhood. I was adopted when I was three weeks old, and my parents were very different from me in a number of essential ways. We just weren’t wired the same. Yet, they were so loving; I didn’t even realize it until I grew up! Mom and Dad made me feel like I truly I belonged, and I was willing to sacrifice some of my individuality for that sweet prize. As I started coming into my own in my twenties, I was stunned to find out that my way of being, based on their programming, was far different from who I really am. My poor mother didn’t know what hit when my move to California, the women’s movement, the ‘70s and my first group therapy experience all conspired to steal her daughter right out from under her—or the one she thought she knew and had molded.
To be fair, my adoptive parents’ differences from me were also a big plus. I am naturally a non-stop thinker—very mental. They were down-to-earth, practical, and totally heart people. My development would have been lopsided, had I grown up in my birth family. My birth mom made my constant cogitation look like child’s play! (I was reunited with my family of origin in my late thirties, and I have a perspective that not many people enjoy of being able to see which parts of me came from nurture rather than nature.)
Still, “not being you” can harm you in the end.
Drawbacks of the Quick-Change Artist
With all my talents for blending in, I had a knack for finding the wrong relationships, whether friends or prospective mates. There was nothing wrong with these individuals—or me. We were just mismatched at an energetic and evolutionary level. I was not putting out who I really am, but rather, morphing myself, like a chameleon, to fit the energy of the people I wanted to please or whose lives I wanted to be a part of. Frankly, I didn’t think there was anyone like me out there! Never having met people on my beam, I didn’t believe they existed.
What I didn’t understand: I could not draw to me anyone like me because I wasn’t being me.
"Banding” Together
Ultimately, I learned that as energy beings, we emit a frequency of our true selves that is like a radio wave. When we’re “on,” being our essential selves, people on the same bandwidth are drawn to us. When we are broadcasting our frequency, others on the same or nearby frequencies pick up on it and hone onto our signal like a tractor beam.
This all happens in the ethers. It’s invisible—you can’t see or hear it while it’s happening—then presto! Some new person pops into your life that’s an obvious member of your soul family. We hear the expression “putting yourself out there.” That’s what it takes to make energy-based matches with like-minded, compatible people. Only it’s not so much a matter of pushing your energy outward. It’s more about being centered in who you are and allowing the universe to draw in the relationships you need.
It’s so human to make the same mistakes over again. If we’re growing, we make them at higher levels, getting the same lesson more clearly each time. I still morph myself—sometimes all but turn myself inside out—to fit in. It often happens unconsciously, when more kindred spirits aren’t available to play or when I don’t know a person or group well enough yet to realize we’re on a different frequency. Then, of course, there are all the many things we can want from someone or a group of some ones that interfere with being in integrity: love, sex, career advancement, fun.
Recently, I became aware that I was being a contortion artist in some relationships and had to reassess my participation. When I decided to let go of what was becoming negative for me, draining, and far from an energetic match, I created the usual void left by surrender.
While I was still making the decision to let go of my latest energetic mismatches, someone literally honed in on me when I returned to my own center and self. Out of the blue, I got an e-mail from a reader of one of my astrology articles that I had written 17 years ago, a perennial favorite. Soon we were e-mailing like mad and could not believe how much we think alike and share the same views of Spirit, the world, and how to live in it. It was simply exhilarating, and a true testimony to why it is so important to be true to yourself. It takes courage and trust. It’s worth it! This “chance” encounter was the catalyst for creating my second blog on astrology, named after the article that had touched him so deeply, “The Radical Virgo.”
Energetic Shift
In the larger sense, the shift we all need to make is to do less and be more. We are called human beings, not human doings. While I know the importance of frequent meditation—how it strengthens our energy field and helps us resonate to our core selves, I still have a hard time with the discipline of doing it. I even try to “do” when the practice calls for me just to “be” there. Show up, sit in my meditation spot, and close my eyes. What could be simpler? But “human doings” can’t seem to accept that our value is inherent. Too easy? How the human mind loves to complicate things.
If you’re a helper and a person of compassion, my closing thought is for you. It’s an expression I’ve heard about what it is to really help others—and ourselves.
It’s not what you do; it’s who you are.
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Photo Credit: BEAM © Navarone Dreamstime.com
Thanks to Leslie Smith of Inner Sanctuary blog for first publication of this article.
