Sunday, March 29, 2009


When I read my blog statistics, one of my favorite parts is the list of key words, the combo of terms that have brought people to my site. Nestled among the word strings that make sense, such as my name, my blog name, and the names of anything I have ever written, there is a treasure trove of food for thought and wonder. I divide them into three categories: Who Knew, Headlines and LOL!

Who Knew?
Someone searched for “Auntie Mame ringback tone.” She’s my heroine. If I’d have known she had one, it would already be on my cell phone. (Perhaps “Mame,” the theme from the musical version of the play/movie?)

"Nite-nite bear with womb sounds" – I’ve heard of teddy bears that replicate mom’s heartbeat, but the idea of an auditory trip back to the womb? I want one! Especially on those days when I wish I could crawl not just back under the covers, but back into my mom for cover.

“Santa’s got the aids ringtone.” I cannot imagine what that ringtone would sound like— even hard to conjure my sense of humor about it. Blue Christmas?

“Joyce Mason Trek died age” cued me into the fact that one of my namesakes is no longer among us. I mentioned her in my last post. Joyce headed the William Shatner fan club and hosted a Star Trek fan radio show for years. She also was a major part of my Google Yourself experiment, may she rest in peace. If you have a name that’s at all common, Google yourself to find out who else shares it.

It blew my mind to find out that most of the other Joyce Masons seem to do the same or similar things as I do. There is something in a name! Star Trek Joyce was my star link since I am an astrologer, each of us loving space and space characters in our own way. Another JM is a writer/publisher, too. Her business is called Joyce Mason Ink, a name I considered myself. Yet another who lives in my own metro area is a green building realtor, an affinity with my long government career on recycling issues. I suspect she is probably the other JM that my eco-oriented cleaners is always attempting to differentiate from me, to be sure I get out the same dry cleaning that I put in. There is a JM Canadian moviemaker and a JM gospel singer. At one point, I planned to get a master’s degree in script writing, and one of the biggest joys of my life was singing in a church choir.

I was definitely laughing out loud when I read “lack of sexual desire Blogspot.” I had no idea that my sometimes sagging libido has something to do with the fact that I blog on Google’s Blogger—you know, us guys ‘n’ gals with “blogspot” in our blog addresses. Note to Google: This is not a selling point. If this continues, I’ll have to change platforms or Google the female counterpart for Viagra.

While we’re on health concerns, sexual or otherwise, I’m still scratching my head over “lethargy no moon.” I’d be lethargic if I lost my moon, too. This person is definitely spaced or comes from another planet, because Earth has one. Note to Googler: When the Moon is new, you just can’t see it for a few days. No need to Google or call Missing Persons to see if they can find the missing (celestial) body. However, if this refers to no moon as in a skipped menstrual cycle, if you’re lethargic and skipped your period, consider you might be pregnant.

“Sex hot lulu garb very hot.” I want some of that lulu garb. It’s obviously the antidote to “lack of sexual desire Blogspot.”

“Spaghetti agli e oglio toddler recipe.” By all means, if you’re going to eat little children, you should sauté them into garlic spaghetti. (If the person who Googled this is reading my blog, please get help immediately!)

I don’t know if you’re having fun yet, but if you have a blog yourself and haven’t discovered this giggly Googley pastime, please check it out and share your best key word combos with us. Or share the best word strings you have Googled yourself …

… or at least those you’re willing to admit!


Dragnet Theme Music: The Google stories you just heard are true. Since statistics are anonymous, there are are no names to change to protect the innocent.

Comment Credit! Don’t forget our Spring Comment Caper and the chance to win a free book in a drawing on April 23.

Photo credit: CROSS EYED FUNNY FACE WOMAN © Creativest...


Susannah said...

I love those! thanks for a Monday morning smile! :-)

Michelle said...

I made a friend of myself in Oregon once, due to the fact a fan sent me an email for a poem she wrote. Which was really funny because we both write poetry and we both do get emails from fans, now and then. :-) We sent postcards to each other for a while, just for the sheer fun of writing TO and FROM Michelle Frost. :-D

Michelle said...

I forgot - the statistic searches crack me up as well. With a blog called "Crow's Feet" I have an alarmingly high amount of searches looking for wrinkle cures, also... even more bizarre - foot fetish types searching for all sorts of foot related fantasies.

Sometimes I rather wish I could contact them. Oh, not the foot fetish bunch! I mean ones like the person from South Africa who had typed in "Snake in Garage - help". I actually do know a snake collector in South Africa who could help, but I'll never know where that poor hysterical person was, desperately seeking a serpent intervention. Instead they found my story of the Green Mamba - a car I hated growing up. Poor serachers, Google does sometimes make mind boggling connections. (although yours still take the top spots for truly strange, especially the spaghetti-toddler thing)

Joyce Mason said...

Susannah, glad this started your week with a smile!

Michelle, I see we've shared experiences on several aspects of this post. Love the postcards to/from "yourself." I hadn't thought of how a blog name might have some rather hilarious, literal interpretations! I do get some people looking for cures for the hot flashes. As to the toddler spaghetti, I'd like to think that person was seeking a garlic spaghetti recipe that "appeals" to toddlers, but as it was stated, it sounded more like lunch with Hannibal Lector. It's easy to see why the TV crime shows use key word searches to catch the "bad guy"--or gal.

BTW, you're entered in the Comments drawing once for each comment. :)

Michelle said...

Joyce, the comments drawing... I hope that's a good thing? I'm not sure what you meant.

Oh, and while I'm being befuddled - I never noticed the side bar which says you channel. I'm impressed. My guide wrings his hands regularly at my complete inability to do more than see him.

One last snippet - you inspired me to take on myself in a gigantic googlestep for Michelle-kind. ;-)

Michelle said...

I know, I'm back AGAIN, but the comment word verification is..


Think it's a form of toddler spaghetti sausage?

Joyce Mason said...

Thanks for the additional comments, Michelle. PORKBRAT was too hilarious! It's proof it's a Divine Comedy; we just have to have the eyes to see and the ability to laugh at ourselves.

The Comments drawing refers to the Spring Comment Caper. Each time you comment, your name goes into the hat for a drawing on April 23. See link for details. Left a comment on your referenced post. We're on a roll! :)

Eileen Williams said...

I'm still chuckling at your list, but should caution you against taking up the habit of dining on toddlers. They may be tender but they're awfully wriggly and might just slip away from you!
With a blog like "Feisty Side of Fifty," I've gotten loads of interesting words that brought eager seekers to my site. Unfortunately, most of these would be unsuitable for print here. I guess my thought of zesty old gals living life to the fullest has been misconstrued as the porno site for sexagenarian set. Oh well--at least I'm getting hits!

Joyce Mason said...

I love it, Eileen. Reminds me of a door-to-door salesman who was apparently quite turned onto the fact that I backed him off with zeal. Kept calling me a spitfire. I was in my early 20s. That's when I first had my first glimmer that "feisty" and related adjectives arouse a certain kind of guy. I'm with you. We are certainly noticed! :)