Don’t Undervalue Overdo

© 2010 by Joyce Mason
All Rights Reserved

Excess. We all indulge, whether it’s too much make-up, food, drink, drugs or passion. (I have spared you the gross visuals on the other overdo’s. Dripping lipstick is ewww enough!)

In the past few years, I have become intimately acquainted with Too Much in my life. I eat too much; I write too much; I am at the computer too much; and I give too much. To reel me back to reality now and then, I designed a bracelet that says “Enough” in alphabet beads.

I will be the first person to admit; I’m compulsive. It goes with being very mental. If it’s stuck in my head and it’s an idea that intrigues me or a behavior that tickles the senses, it triggers my to-do button, often till it’s stuck on Can’t Stop. Not always, but probably too often. I’m grateful I don’t fall prey to some of the excesses that can lead to addiction, such as alcohol or drugs. I don’t like “substances,” but I sure like food, coffee, and some of the other feel-goodies.

When You Can’t Stop

I’m not sure I know the difference between a compulsion and addiction, but my intuitive take is that a compulsion is a habit that can be turned around with a little work. If someone threw a bucket of cold water on me or I activated some other mechanism to wake me up out of the rut, I would stop. I do stop for considerable periods. But I often start again. Food is the hardest because you can’t completely abstain from it, and I am the daughter of a gourmand with a very refined palette that wants quality yummies!

I feel good in the groove of my compulsions. Compulsions are knee-jerk. On the other hand, it appears that addictions rarely can be stopped without the major intervention of therapy and/or a 12-Step program.

For the dictionary.com differences, here are the definitions compulsion and addiction. The key distinction is that a compulsion is something irresistible and contrary to your will. An addiction is defined more strongly as enslavement with components that are psychological or physiological—and the cessation of the behavior causes severe trauma.


Garden Variety Overdo—A Gift

What I want to talk about today is what I call garden-variety overdo or the occasional binge. I am not addressing true addiction because of its severity, and because I'm not qualified to do so. (If you suspect you have an addiction, please get help. A good place to start is with your doctor or any of the “Anonymous” programs: Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, or Sex Addicts Anonymous.)

For those of us who binge periodically but don’t suffer serious withdrawal consequences when we quit, I think a binge is one of nature’s most precious gifts of biofeedback.

How terrible do you feel after you eat or drink too much? Or have too much sex? At minimum, nauseous, hung-over, and possibly sore. This is the body’s way of telling you that excess is not a great idea. You got it out of your system, but there’s enough feel-bad in the aftermath, you’re not going to do the same thing tomorrow night, if you’ve got any sense.

Sometimes a sweets binge for a week can set me straight for months at a time. I don’t understand how it works, but I’m grateful for it. Have you ever eaten 10 times more sugar trying to avoid that craving for a chocolate bar? A friend clued me into this phenomenon. She said that she finally realized that a moderate amount of the best chocolate she could buy satisfied her craving quickly and for a long time. She was burying her chocolate craving under donuts, sugary cereals, and a ton of other crap. She ate more “bad sugar” avoiding a modest amount of “good sugar.” We read more and more about how small amounts of dark chocolate have benefits, if we can work with “binge biofeedback” and keep excess in check.

All Things in Moderation, Including Moderation

Like all modern, cosmopolitan people, I am looking to find balance in my life. My cool insight on this topic isn’t original; it has been said in the well-known expression about “moderation” in the header above this paragraph. This quote, by the way, is attributed to Petronius (c. AD 27-66), a Roman writer and a noted satirist.

If occasional overdo reels you in on your excesses in the long run by its immediate consequences, I say let’s party.

In fact, I'll drink to that!

~~~


Photo Credit: © Graça Victoria - Fotolia.com

Week #4 Comment Contest Winner is JuliaAna from Shell Knob, MO who commented on the post, Love in Later Life--Spirited Edition. What a lovely irony, since I wrote that particular post at JuliaAna's request.  She has won an autographed copy of Capital Crimes: 15 Stories by Sacramento Area Authors. It includes my story, "Digital."

Thanks to all of you who played! I love an interactive blog, and I hope you had so much fun, you’ll be back often. The real prize is the new people you’ll meet, ideas you’ll share, and tips you’ll find on spirited living.

Singin’ the Blues—Part 2 of 3

© 2010
By Joyce Mason
All Rights Reserved

Last time we covered the concept of creating a Blues First Aid Kit for down days. It’s very important to stress, if you haven’t read Part 1: This exercise is aimed at people who have occasional, not chronic or clinical depression. If you even wonder if your depression is more serious, Google “signs clinical depression.” Take a self-test and talk to your doctor.

You might also want to read a book that helped us understand clinical depression a lot better while we were in the middle of it in our family. It’s called When Going Through Hell … Don’t Stop! A Survivor’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety and Clinical Depression by Douglas Bloch. It rates five out of five stars among readers on Amazon, and you might even find it helpful if you only have occasional bouts of the blues. If anyone you love suffers from depression, consider it a must read.

Get Away to Music

Back to our project of creating first aid kits for the more garden-variety blues. I’ll start with the Kit for Innies, ‘cause I are one and have a personal feel for it. Another good reason to start here:

Depression is much more common in introverts than extroverts. Some of the reasons are obvious, starting with much more time spent ruminating alone on thoughts and feelings that can take on a life of their own.

If possible, I’d suggest that we introverts start with enough cash or plastic for at least a two-day getaway, up to a week if you can swing it. How long you can afford a healing escape depends on many factors, including time off work. However, a quality weekend can often give you more of a booster shot than a mediocre three-week vacation.  Introverts thrive on retreats.

Sometimes it only needs to be to the Motel 6 down the block, but if it busts you out of your routine and takes you away from your family or your daily stressors; it’s a lifesaver. It can be as important as an EpiPen to a person with a severe allergy. (For most introverts, our “allergy” is sensory overwhelm or hypersensitivity.) To make it impossible to spend set-aside cash or credit, I suggest getting a lodging gift card or certificate. Let that be item #1 in your blues survival kit.

Moving from the literal getaway solution, you don’t always have to leave home. If you live alone, there’s no respite needed from family or housemates. Simply turn off your cell and landline and don’t answer the door. The world will keep spinning without you for two days, no matter how important you think your job is or how many friends or relatives can’t live without you. I do suggest letting your key significant others know you are dropping out for a couple days so they don’t worry—or worse, call the police and disturb your peace.

Whether home, abroad, or at your down-the-street retreat: You need a box or goodie bag of things that soothe your soul. Music is one of the world’s most mood-altering drug substitutes. Not only does it do no harm; it heals.

Some people find the literal blues to be the most helpful. We all know from modern psychology that there is something to “getting it out,” which singing the blues does with heart and soul. If it’s not your bag, classical, New Age, easy listening—whatever leaves you serene and comforted. For some of us, it can be spiritual, like Gregorian chant, praise or church music. Whatever feeds you. If you need additional music suggestions, I discovered an amazing book full of them—The Healing Energies of Music by Hal A. Lingerman (1995).

Teas, Books, and Aromatherapy

Include some non-medicinal mood enhancers.

What music makes you feel like a fresh breeze just blew gently over your heart?

Include essential oils or herbs in your sanctuary. Lavender is always a winner—easily accessible as a live plant, dried, infused in oils or bath products. I suggest pure oils. It makes a huge difference in how well they work. Besides, who would want to breathe in anything but the purest? Some other heaven scents used for depression are Clary Sage, Ylang-Ylang, and Sandalwood. Read more on depression-guide.com.

“Soggy days” are the perfect time to pray, meditate, read lightweight inspiring material—whatever heals you. Pack any tools you need for these activities in your blues box or kit. Consider candles and incense for prayer and meditation and your favorite books of affirmations, prayers, or spirit boosters. One example that comes to mind is the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.

A hot cup of herbal tea in the many varieties that now exist to soothe and calm is a much wiser choice. One of my favorites is Tension Tamer from Celestial Seasonings or any of the sleep enhancers, such as Sleepytime, also by the same company, if you think a good dose of extra rest will be the most healing of all. Anything with chamomile will tend to soothe a tense tummy.

 

Caution: Alcohol is a depressant, and I urge you not to drink when you’re down, no matter how tempting.

I am a quote-a-holic and love books like Prayers for Healing: 365 Blessings, Poems and Meditations from Around the World by Maggie Oman. In my kit, you’d also find The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and Illusions by Richard Bach. And to help crack me up and out of taking life and myself too seriously, at least one humorous mystery novel by Janet Evanovich is mandatory!

One last thought we touched on already. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a safe place to be blue. As the title to Douglas Bloch’s book suggests, depression is a place to walk through, not get stuck in. Crying, giving yourself permission for a time-limited bout of self-pity—these can all be utterly therapeutic versus working to chase the blues away. It’s often better to let them wash over and through you … and down the drain.

Journaling and Flower Essences

If, by now, your box is getting full or the bag is heavy, be sure you leave enough room in your kit for a journal and pen. This is a great time to get to know yourself through letting your thoughts flow onto paper. If you’re like me and are much more comfy at the keyboard, use your computer. I have a special letterhead and file for journaling on soggy days or other days. I have a different letterhead for my dream journal, another writing exercise to lift your spirits through contact with your subconscious—that inner wise one that truly knows all about you. Your dreams can be your one true oracle when you learn to decode your own personal night movies.

As a flower essence practitioner for over 20 years, I feel no kit would be complete without Rescue Remedy (Bach) or Five Flower Formula (FES)—same ingredients, different makers.

You can usually find one or both of these brands of natural calming tinctures at your local health food store, such as Whole Foods. Rescue remedy also comes in a spray and pastilles (they taste like low-sugar gum drops), a form that’s great for kids or kids at heart. Other flower essences often recommended for depression are Gentian, Borage, and Self-Heal. Here’s a moving case history about how flower essences helped a depressed actor.

You might also like my introduction to flower essences post to get a feel for how essences work and their potential for you.

Collect Kudos

This practice works for both introverts and extroverts, and I think it is an incredible morale booster. Whenever I get an email of appreciation, especially when people acknowledge how my writing has helped them, I keep these “love notes” in a special Kudos file. On down days, they are perfect to read. You can do the same with greeting cards, thank-you notes, and any other expression of how you make a difference to others. My fantasy on down days is to have a time machine that could show me, like Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” just how the world would have been without me. On those blue days, I feel the most worthless. I am not in touch with how I have mattered. Short of getting that magic machine, the kudos file gives me the same reminder that I play an invaluable role in the world, as each of us do.

Logistical Tip

You probably have many of these things scattered about the house, but remember when you need them most, you will have little energy to go hunting and gathering, even in your own digs. I suggest duplicates for the blues box or bag. If you feel that’s too expensive or redundant, here’s another idea. Pack a list of the items that are located elsewhere with their location, so you don’t have to go digging. (This would not work for me or others like me. I am notorious for moving things from any sort of permanent placement. What I refuse to do myself—I’d rather have a root canal without benefit of anesthesia than to move my household—I’m more than willing to do with the “stuff” inside.)

Make It Your Own

This list is not all-inclusive. It’s meant only to give you a start and some food for thought in customizing your own kit. What are you waiting for? Don’t let the next down day hit without having your home remedies handy. Just as Vitamin C can shorten your cold, your blues kit can keep your down days to a bare minimum. Who wouldn’t drink some herb tea to that?

~~~

Next: Blues Kit for Extroverts

Disclaimer: This article is provided purely for informational purposes. Readers are asked to make their own determination regarding the quality of the services and products described above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.

  

Photo credit: OLD MICROPHONE © Damianpalu... Dreamstime.com

Singin’ the Blues - Part 1 of 3

© 2010
by Joyce Mason
All Rights Reserved


My dad had the best name for depression-- a soggy day.

He was lucky. He only got down for a day at a time. This is a characteristic I was blessed to inherit, even though I’m adopted.

My husband wasn’t as lucky. He suffered a long period of clinical depression. But even before it finally lifted, he was a lot like my dad in taking the blues a day at a time. No matter how down, my beloved would always tell me, “Tomorrow is another day.” He is the original inflatable Bozo the Clown toy, the jolly old punching bag. You hit it and it bounces right back up. I am still wowed by his resilience.

I learned a lot from his overnight optimism. Like most artistes, I sometimes suffer from acute bouts of depression. They don’t last long—a day or two tops—but they are so debilitating, I have the utmost compassion and awe for folks who deal with more prolonged bouts of this too common malady.

Winter often brings depression because it is a time of dying. Like the trees and flowers, we have shed our leaves and feel barren inside.

Another more common type of depression we’ve heard more about in recent years is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Also known as winter depression or winter blues, SAD is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer, year after year. SAD appears to be linked to lack of light, and there are numerous treatment options mentioned in this Wikipedia article. (We have replaced all lights under which we spend a lot of time with full-spectrum bulbs. It helps.)

Depression is a serious subject, especially when it doesn’t lift quickly. If you think for a moment—or even wonder—if your depression is cause for alarm, Google “signs clinical depression” now. You’ll find plenty of self-tests that will give you an indication if its time to talk to your doctor. Err on the side of safety. If in doubt, and just do it.

Take a tip from our household and Been There, Done That. No matter how terrific your primary care provider is, he or she is unlikely to know the delicate art and science of combining modern psychiatric drugs, if it turns out you need them. Get a referral to a shrink, the kind with the initials M.D. These days your psychiatrist is unlikely to do more than medication management. A counselor—perhaps a marriage and family therapist or licensed clinical social worker—often handles the talking part of therapy. Drugs are not the only way, but another tip from Been There. Depression is a chemical imbalance. No matter how holistic your beliefs, experience, or intent, you may have to fight fire with fire and chemical imbalance with chemistry. I avoid drugs like the plague, sometimes cutting off my nose to spite my face. I have also seen them give my husband back his life. It’s up to you, your professional experts, and the people closest to you to find the path that’s right for you. That might take some trial and error, and some tweaking, even once you’re on the right road. Be patient with the process.

As to the more garden-variety depression: Like every other temporary illness to which humans are prone (colds, flu or falling arches), we need to have some home remedies at hand when the blues strike. What would you put in your Blues Buster First Aid Kit? Each of us should have one. It could do more for you than you know.

Start by thinking it through, if it’s not already obvious to you: Are you an introvert or extrovert? (A) Do you get energized by crowds or being around people? or, (B) When you need to recharge your batteries, do you need quiet, solitude, meditation, soft music—to withdraw. If A, you are an extrovert. If B, you are an introvert. Don’t get too hung up on the label, just the recharge style. I love people, but I am an introvert. I need to withdraw in direct relationship to the amount of time I spend around large quantities of humans. I’m highly sensitive—wired for sensory overload— and I have an enthusiastic nature. I dive into everything with gusto. This means my head spins afterwards and I need time alone to digest intense experiences.

Remember in all instances: You need to plan and create your Blues First Aid Kit at a time when you’re up, not down. When you’re already down, you’re too lethargic to do any of the things I’m suggesting. They’d just sound silly and impossible.

Start thinking what you’d like to put in your kit, because the more customized it is to you, the more helpful it will be on a soggy day. In the next two posts, I’ll offer some suggestions for the contents of your Blues Buster Kit. What’s inside will differ depending on whether you’re an introvert or extrovert.

Meanwhile, introduce yourself to your resilient, Inner Bozo!

~~~

Photo credit: OLD MICROPHONE © Damianpalu... |Dreamstime.com

Disclaimer: This article is provided purely for informational purposes. Readers are asked to make their own determination regarding the quality of the services and products described above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.

Crankenstein

As a person who observes herself as often as she breathes, I could not help but notice that I was a major crab during much of the holiday season, two years in a row.

Of course, I was also kind and loving. We saw a movie both Tim and I liked a lot, The Answer Man starring Jeff Daniels. It further illustrates my point. The main character, Arlen Faber, is a writer who wrote a spiritual best seller called Me & God. However, his God link isn’t happening and hasn’t been for 20 years, since the time he wrote his tome. (He ultimately confesses it was mostly BS, but a sensitive observer would get he was channeling divine answers, even if he didn’t realize it.) We’re introduced to him sitting cross-legged, meditating in front of his fireplace filled with candles. As he’s chanting Om—or whatever—the doorbell rings, an interruption that sets him off, to say the least. A stream of curse words so foul emits from his mouth, you expect his head to spin around, Exorcist-style.


That was me during Yuletide. From centered spiritual seeker to frothing Frankenstein act-alike, or Crankenstein, as I called myself. Short-tempered, short-fused, not taking anything off anyone, no holds barred. See illustration.

I was snarky to my uncle and so mean to my husband, I was actually ashamed of my behavior. So, now you know the raw truth. I am spirited in more ways than one.

Holiday Stress Reduction

What good are hot flashbacks (in this case, hotheaded flashbacks) if they don’t lead to cool insights? In December 2008, my Crankenstein behavior was a result of scheduling a major vacation three days after Christmas. What was I thinking? I am a perfectionist who tends toward overwhelm. So I planned two major events on the Stress Scale back-to-back? I was blowing my top every other minute trying to get ready, orient our house sitter, and deal with my husband’s similar disposition. There were more fireworks than the 4th of July. By the time we got to Honolulu, I wasn’t sure I even liked him—or myself. Some “honeymoon.”

Live and learn—ya’d think. The week of Christmas is always a corker for me. My annual Winter Solstice celebration takes incredible time and energy, but it’s worth it! It’s one of the highlights of my year. But most recently, it coincided with family visits, the kind where personality differences bump up against each other—in some cases, hard.

What’s a spirited person to do? I don’t want to quit having my relatives visit over the holidays, but I certainly can’t expect them to want to, if I keep acting like Scrooge on speed.

Is There A Doctor in the House?

And I don’t mean Dr. Crankenstein. I realize I need: (1) better preparation, and (2) an attitude adjustment. What I realized even more deeply is that it’s inner preparation and attitude tinkering I need. I had done a great job getting my ducks in a row for my winter event, finishing the shopping/wrapping, getting my house clean, and all things aligned—except for me.

Every year, I start sooner to create a magical ChrismaSolstiChanuzaa. Like a wedding, the prep is intense and idiotically detailed. The fun is in the planning and the anticipation. Then the event comes and goes so quickly, the letdown is like a fall from the Empire State Building. I feel flattened, squashed, and really hurt. All that work and it’s over already?

One good thing. As anyone who reads this blog probably knows, I set aside winter for inner work and slowdown. If I’m going to slow down, being flattened on the concrete sidewalk certainly is a good start! I’m unlikely to sprint away and do anything complicated in a hurry.

Here’s my new insight. The winter work has to start in tandem with the madness of holiday preparation, maybe even in October or November. In order to handle the tinsel and merry, the madness and pace, I have to be meditating regularly and creating a strong inner core and hard-shell finish.

Boomer readers: Do you remember the Colgate with Gardol commercials and Mean Old Mr. Tooth Decay? He was another monster of sorts. But Happy Tooth would brush himself with Gardol, and he was impervious to the Mean Old Mister. That’s the kind of finish I need—like Gardol or Turtle Wax (gives a hard-shell finish, Turtle Wax!).

The centered space only comes from inner work. The ability to let it roll off me comes only from knowing my Source and being plugged into it. The kind of plug-in that isn’t even fazed by a ringing doorbell or barking dog or an irritating relative.

I’m marking my autumn calendar with a warning. Get ready, both inside and out. The holidays will be here—again!—sooner than you know. I use iGoogle and a wonderful widget that’s a Christmas calendar countdown. In my mind, I subtract 4 days because I have to be ready to launch by Winter Solstice.

Only 346 days till Christmas, adjust accordingly if you celebrate another winter holiday.
Will you be prepared?

~~~

Photo Credit: MONSTER © Cthoman Dreamstime.com recreated by Dr. Crankenstein (Joyce) with the help of her clip art to resemble her dark alter ego.

Let It Begin with Me

Music inspires us. Once during December, someone asked me my favorite song of the holiday season. It’s Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin with Me. Even though it’s played most often during this time of year, Let There Be Peace wasn’t originally written as a holiday song. That’s fitting, for peace is not a season, it’s a way of life.

Yet when we see the headlines, peace probably seems like a pipe dream. War is rampant. Years later, we are still reeling from 9/11. Is it just me, or have more people on the edge gone over? We see senseless killings, mayhem, and discoveries of physical and sexual abuse, even by priests, parents, and other adults most trusted by children.

Peace is not a season; it’s a way of life.

It’s easy to feel helpless and wonder if the world has gone mad. Do you ever ask yourself, “What can I do? I’m only one small person.” I can’t stop countries from fighting. I can’t keep crazy people off the streets or out of airports.

But I’m going to tell you what you can do; how your small daily acts of peacemaking are more important than you ever imagined at a time when they were never more needed. Like pebbles of caring, your acts of kindness ripple outward when dropped into the ocean of our collective consciousness. The little things you do every day can have a divine domino effect.

And while songs inspire us, a picture is worth a thousand words. We first got the Big Picture when Earth was photographed from our Moon in the late ‘60s. Its beauty was magnificent, and that image should fly on a global flag to remind us who we are—one planetary people and organism.

Use peaceful words—cooperate, consensus, fun, together, common ground, everyone, love, and friendship. Avoid “fighting words” like us and them, some people, those kind of people, and what kind of a person would…

Here are my Five Tips for a Peaceful Day (Week, Month, Year, Life):


1. Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment. Take a moment and start noticing when you react to something with anger or a desire to lash out. Ask yourself: What inner conflict is this stirring up in me? Almost always, we are merely projecting our own struggle onto another person. When this happens collectively, it escalates into war. It can be nipped in the bud, as in you ‘n’ me, bud!

2. Watch your thoughts like a hawk. Thoughts are powerful, because they lead to actions. Every thought leads to a collection of thoughts called a mindset. Set is the operative word. We can become fixed in negativity—a negative mindset—which leads to hate, conflict, even murder and war. Or we can notice and build on what’s good. Accentuate the positive, as another old tune goes. It leads to love, joining, and a sense of community—even a global community.

3. Watch your mouth. This is the partner of Watch Your Thoughts, because one of the actions thoughts lead to is talking. Use peaceful words—cooperate, consensus, fun together, common ground, everyone, love, and friendship. Avoid “fighting words” like us and them, some people, those kind of people, and what kind of a person would…. You have the power to redirect any communication, to neutralize it and lighten up its energy. Above all, don’t gossip. I define gossip as idle talk about others with no constructive value, usually mired with judgment.

4. Consider that you don’t necessarily know what’s going on with people. When someone acts like a jerk, instead of getting angry, wonder what’s really hurting him or her. I’m a sensitive person who tends to take things personally; so, this one’s a challenge for me. Just for a change, assume it’s his or her stuff (that projection thing in #1). Then exercise compassion. Assume this person is having a bad day, a problem, or a rough life. Don’t escalate by responding to the sharp word. If you’ve ever seen someone good at this, it’s a joy to behold. (They turn grumps into gold). Some customer service people are experts at it.

5. Find common ground, even with so-called enemies. Everyone has something they really care about. Find out what it is and talk with them about it, whether it’s old cars or their pets. Give up having to be liked in favor of doing your best to make all communications as productive as possible. And don’t forget, common ground may be that you and the crab learn to live in the same airspace!

Peace on Earth. It’s an inside job. It’s a good virus. It’s contagious in the best possible way, capable of morphing into forms of good beyond your wildest imaginings.

The holiday season is a time for thinking and doing “big.” Just as John Lennon did, I invite you to do just that--Imagine.

~~~

Photo credit: My great great niece, Ana, mesmerized by the menorah.

Note: Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin with Me was written by Sy Miller and Jill Jackson, © 1955 by Jan-Lee Music.

Oracular Spectacular!

A Primer on the Use of Astrology, Tarot, Dreamwork and Other Oracles

© 2009 by Joyce Mason

At Hot Flashbacks, Cool Insights, I often talk about “playing the symbols.” This imaginary one-person band involves putting together everyday waking signs and synchronicities and sleeping dream ciphers for some resounding insights. Alternatively, we can seek guidance from symbol systems or oracles. In this article, also posted on joycemason.com, I hope to introduce you to—or expand—your knowledge of oracles and their value.

Q: What do tarot cards, fortune cookies, astrology, dreams and meaningful coincidences all have in common?

A: All can be used as oracles

“Oracle” has many meanings from hokey to holy. I am most interested in #5 in the Dictionary-com definitions, namely a divine communication or revelation.Oracles are symbol systems that help us receive insights or spiritual communications. I believe the Source of their inspiration follows strictly the orientation of the seeker. When you open yourself up to divine inspiration, the Holy Spirit, your Higher Self—however you see good guidance according to your personal beliefs—those are the forces that will shine through when using these symbols. If you are fearful, or if you want your “fortune told” where you have no power or spiritual backbone to co-create your own dreams in divine partnership, don’t be surprised to find negative energy in a tarot reading or other symbol system consultation.

Toolbox
Like any tool, oracles can be used for higher good or dubious intent. Think of a knife. In the hands of a skilled surgeon or premier chef, this tool can perform miracles of healing or nurture. In the hands of a serial killer—not. Like all tools, oracles run the gamut of agony and ecstasy. Again, the difference lies in the hands of the user. With oracles, the seeker often uses a medium—a consultant—rather than consulting the cards or other symbols directly, although people do both, of course. That’s why choosing your consultant is especially important if you use one.

The Medium Is the Message
Let me start with a couple of bad examples. I once worked with a woman who consulted a well-known, local astrologer on all her investments and life decisions. This was in the 1970s, but I swear, if ATMs were in operation back then, she’d have consulted her “friend” before she made a $20 cash withdrawal.

You can probably predict what I’m going to say without an astrology chart. Ultimately, my workmate lost her shirt by turning her power over to this woman’spredictions. It was a stark lesson about making a god of either the symbol system or the medium. Ironically, the astrologer also worked herself out of a job. They both lost. After all, how could my workmate continue to pay her for advice after she lost everything?The most horrible story I ever heard—same astrologer—was a reading wherein she predicted the exact date and time of a male client’s death—and he died exactly when she predicted! I was utterly appalled; convinced she had literally scared him to death. Few people would want to know this information. To ask for it, is—well—asking for it!

Still, I believe to this day that the astrologer in question abused her power over this man. Astrology can be (pardon the pun) dead accurate, but she would have no way of knowing his fate. Even if she did, “pronouncing” it took away any personal power he had over the outcome, which was not necessarily sealed. Specific predications can be a real power trip. (That’s why I refuse, personally, to make them.) The same symbols can portend literal death or any other major, life-changing transformation while the person remains embodied. Did the astrologer contribute to his death? Depressing thought, but I think it explains why these tools have sometimes had a terrible reputation. It’s all in how they’re used. Fortunately, in general, they tend to be used for higher good by most people I encounter nowadays.

Positive Outcomes
Examples: As a consultant, I have helped people out of thorny dilemmas and have foreseen the potential for happy marriages later realized in tarot or astrology readings. I use oracles directly for myself on an ongoing basis, and now with years of practice my use of them is refined. I am able to see new angles to problems and personal tendencies I want to change. Symbols never cease to amaze me with their simple wisdom.

How Does It Work?
My theory is that oracles work like a symbolic mirror and magnet. Symbols have strong universal meanings. Much is contained in their simple patterns, and more importantly, the person who seeks guidance will fill in the blanks with the personal details needed to make the symbols meaningful.The magnet part: Everything on earth has an energy field; every person and thing resonates. When we seek guidance, we are drawn to the energy—or it is drawn for us through the reader—that matches the frequency of the issue on which we want guidance. When you shuffle a tarot deck, for example, and put the energy of your question into the cards, the “right ones” fall into the layout. Magical!

It’s no different with any of the other symbol systems. We are drawn to want an astrology reading when the vibration of the issue is creating internal pressure for resolution, so we seek out an astrologer when we have significant transits or activity in our astrology charts. Our subconscious gives us dream material, asdoes our internal synchronicity machine, our magnet for meaningful coincidence.Once when I taught a dreamwork class, I spoke about encountering people I was thinking about or repeated encounters on a topic I felt were “signs.” A surprised participant said, “You talk about real life the same way as dreams.” Exactly! When we have the eyes to see, the symbols and signs are all around us. Our subconscious is in constant dialogue with us, and when we pay attention, we can get limitless Higher Direction.

I Want to Try It. Where Do I Start?
If you haven’t done this before or haven’t done much of it, here are my suggestions—probably good for seasoned oracle users, too:

1. What system appeals to you most? Start there. If astrology fascinates you, go there first. If you can’t remember dreams, maybe you need a little more work on bringing the subconscious to waking awareness before you can use this one.Do tarot cards call you? Runes? The I Ching? If you don’t know, visit a metaphysical bookstore where you can look through many of the symbol sets or books on them like a kid at Christmas. Let yourself be drawn to the images or system that calls you.

2. Approach oracles with the wonder of a child. These systems are completely about connecting guidance to your own inner tracking device, your intuition. Play with them and respect them with wide-eyed wonder. Their optimal guidance will flow through your openness.

3. Get trusted referrals for consultants. A personal referral from someone you know and trust who has seen this particular astrologer, tarot reader, or dreamworker is always best. The metaphysical bookstore or resource center isanother source. Try someone at a local psychic fair—the one with the longest line! Reputation rules when it comes to trusting someone to work these channels with you. If someone “doesn’t feel right,” don’t open yourself to that person.

4. Take what fits, toss the rest. This was the advice of my first mentor in all things intuitive, the late, great Betty Bethards, a San Francisco Bay Area psychic and meditation teacher. I have lived by it with optimal results. No “reader" can be 100 percent accurate because his or her own experiences can’t help but influence interpretation, at least a little. That can be handy, if they have like experiences and lessons to learn, or it can put you off track, if they don’t.

While most good readers do their best to avoid putting their own “stuff” into interpretations, the translation of symbols is a tricky business. The analogy I like to use is a ballpark. It’s easy to get into the right ballpark or neighborhood on an interpretation because of the breadth of content each universal symbol holds. That’s what makes them so powerful, like the oak tree contained in an acorn.

However, to find the right seat in the ballpark really takes reaction, dialogue, and sorting from the seeker. If you don’t actively participate, you will suffer pronouncements instead of helpful insights. Which brings me to the final point:

5. Be an active participant in all readings with a consultant. Ask questions. Give your opinion. Say when something feels right or when it feels off. Be sure you walk away getting your key concerns covered. It might not be quite as complicated as being a patient in an HMO system, but the idea is the same as navigating this bureaucratic form of medical care. You have to be your own patient/seeker advocate. The best readers will welcome you as a co-pilot on the adventure of going a layer deeper into your inner growth during your time together. You enter the sacred ground of your psyche together. Your reader needs to respect the inner sanctum, your needs, and your help to make it a meaningful journey.

Sealed with a Ms.
I thought it would be fun to draw a tarot card to seek Higher Guidance in wrapping up this article. At first when this idea came to mind, I thought, “Huh?” Using these tools has made me respect these inspirations, no matter how sillythe light bulb over my head might seem at first.Turns out, I’m also going to be able to illustrate how anything can become an oracle. I “got” that the words I should Google were “tarot oracle.” They led me to a new deck I hadn’t heard of, literally called the Tarot Oracle. Click on the link and look at the Magician Card, that Mystical Ms. She’s for us; I’m convinced of it! She’s juggling the stars and her key words are Intuition, Taking Chances.Take a chance on your intuition. Oracles will expand your sense of inner knowingness and connection to All That Is.


Photo Credit: ESOTERIC ATMOSPHERE © Starblue Dreamstime.com

For more on oracles, including How I Read Tarot Cards and some of my favorite ones to use, visit the Oracles page on joycemason.com.

Follow Your Dreams—and You Won’t Have to Chase Down Inspiration!

Joyce Mason on Dreams

Listen to the replay of Joyce's interview with Eileen Williams from The Feisty Side of Fifty on Blog Talk Radio that took place on Monday, July 20, 2009

Your dreams are more than a personal movie provided nightly by Metro-Goldwyn-Maker. Learn the relationship between dreams and increased creativity, inspiration, and problem-solving. This may be both the dreamiest and most practical 15 minutes you’ll ever spend.

Click on the Feisty Side of Fifty Radio/Joyce Mason interview link.

You've got a GPS (God Positioning System). Find it in your dreams!

Do Something Different Day

Seven years ago, I did something different. I gave myself a gift that keeps on giving. I catalyzed the creation of a small circle of like-minded women, similar in our spiritual outlook. We’re out to live life to the fullest and to bring more light into the world, starting with our own enlightenment. We wanted the intimacy of a support group and the spiritual inspiration of a church without the institutional factor or large size. The “founding mothers” weren't regular churchgoers at the time, although we were all brought up in traditional Christian faiths. We see the good in all beliefs, meditate and pray regularly, and always invite Spirit to guide us. We like to create ceremony and draw inspiration from the best of many traditions. Our invisible, potent partner and member: the Ultimate Light in His/Her many forms and facets.

Within our Magic Circle, one of our nicknames for our monthly meeting, we start by each sharing what’s happened since our last get-together over take-out— dinner picked up by one of us on the way. One member is single with a large, comfy home, so her house is our meeting place. The other components of our gatherings vary slightly, but usually they include prayers, meditation, and a spiritual education segment.

All of us are over 40—and half of us can add 20+ onto that number. Being women “of a certain age,” one member suggested that we read and discuss The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom by Angeles Arrien.

In case you don’t already know her, Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., is a cultural anthropologist, an award-winning author, and consultant to many organizations and businesses. She lectures and conducts workshops worldwide, bridging cultural anthropology, psychology, and comparative religions. My favorite part of her work is how she takes the best of traditions among various indigenous cultures and suggests how we might apply their wisdom to modern living.

“The Second Half of Life” is a cornucopia of spiritual food. I can’t say enough about this gorgeous book, rich in imagery, wisdom, and suggested questions and activities for “stayin’ alive.” There’s one particular concept in the book that has been invaluable to me. I call it Do Something Different Day. It’s a way of celebrating your birthday—and yourself—once a month in addition to the big bang once a year.

In her discussion of The Silver Gate, Angeles talks about facing new experiences and the unknown and the importance of renewal to keep our souls alive. Why this hit home: I am a person with compulsive tendencies. I spend too much time chained to my computer like a fanatic. I barely see the light of day. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to throw a bucket of cold water on me, just so I get up and move! My love of ritual easily turns into the rut of senseless routine, without an occasional tweak by outside forces. Do Something Different Day is a tweak I anticipate with glee, knowing it’ll get me up--and up to something fun, more often than not.

The custom Angeles mentions—the one I call Do Something Different Day—is an ancient European one, practiced in parts of the Pyrenees Mountains in Spain. People are encouraged to celebrate their birth day each month of the year by doing something they have never done before. For example, if you were born on the 7th of any month, on the 7th of every month you Do Something Different.

As a Virgo who loves precision, I have always gotten a big kick out of going the extra fractional mile when reporting my age. While most people would say 49½ from the six-month mark on, I like to goof around and say 497/12. (I wish!) Little did I know the power of that one-twelfth fraction toward spiritual revitalization. Each twelfth of our birthday cycle can become a mini-retreat and change of perspective.

Since I spend most of my life at my computer, I have put Do Something Different Day in my electronic calendar reminders with enough advance warning to plan something new for myself. What a simple but profound practice.

In fact, I’ve started to create a Do Something Different Day planning list, a sort of mini-Bucket List. On my upcoming birth day, the 22nd, I have plans to meet a dear friend for lunch; then, the Magic Circle meets later for dinner. Both dates are different from my normal routine—they only happen monthly or so—but I have done them before. What will I do that’s new? In-between, I’ll stop at a music store I’ve wanted to visit for years and just never made the time. I’m starting to get the urge to play the piano again. My husband and I have been threatening to try a guitar/piano duet sine 1997. I plan to find us sheet music so this hot duo can rehearse. Then, on another DSD Day, we can give our premier performance for the cats.

Your Something Different doesn’t have to be earth shattering or groundbreaking. It can be as simple as having a fancy flavored latte, a kind you’ve never tried before, instead of your usual cappuccino. You can drink it at Peets instead of Starbucks. Start with training wheels! Advance to a two-wheeler, a racing bike, and then maybe a unicycle.

Before you know it, you could be standing on your head, bungee jumping, or climbing Mt. Everest. Stretch yourself. At five-foot-nothing, I personally want that growth in both body and soul!

~~~

Photo Credit: VITALITY © Looby Dreamstime.com

Reconstruction Zone!

Countdown to June 17 …

… More Details and First Post on the New, Widened Road

Dear Cool Insighters,

I can’t wait another day—much less another month—to share my plans to refocus the Hot Flashbacks, Cool Insights blog toward spirituality, women’s issues, and especially the development of our intuitive gifts as guidance, that thing some people call “women’s intuition.”

The shift will take some behind-the-scenes planning, like a new blog slogan and some site reorganization. The same types of posts about better living through insight will continue, just more on intuition and spiritual guidance—topics you’ve already seen here. This transformation is compliments of a loud cosmic hint, the same guidance I plan to talk more about from now on and to help you learn to see and hear as much as possible in your own lives. I had a huge aha moment that this is the true core of my book that this blog was created to complement.

Boomers: I’ll keep a recurring “cool saging” feature for the generation I’m proud to be a part of. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I’m a founding member of Boomer Authority on Twitter. I have volunteered to monitor posts on the topic of spirituality. As you can see, that’s a blend of both the old and new blog emphasis. I’m at the stage of life where, having really lived, Auntie Mame style I’ve learned a lot. My age or stage isn’t as important as the epiphanies and tools I’ve found that have helped me live a rich life and keep on beat with my passions and purpose. My toolbox is what I really want to pass onto you. The tools work whether you’re 20 or 120.

Meanwhile, stay tuned! Join me in anticipating our expanded audience: women of all ages and men who what to “play the symbols,” too.

--Joyce

PS – Your comments are welcome on this post or one-on-one: hotflashbacks@gmail.com.


Photo Credit: CONSTRUCTION CONE © Juliengron... Dreamstime.com

The Other Mothers

Have you ever noticed how some of the best “moms” on earth couldn’t—or didn’t—have biological children? I was raised by one. Here’s an irony that proves you can “inherit” something by adoption: I am one, too.

My mom’s “barrenness” was the lingering wound of her lifetime. What an ugly, archaic word. No wonder she felt terrible about it. I’m not sure “infertility” is any better. Is there really a neutral word?

Mom was Italian-American, a culture built around children and family. I was adopted back in the days when my origins were kept secret—even from me. I know my parents meant well, despite the damage “hiding myself” would ultimately do. They didn’t want people to treat me differently. I also think there was a strong measure of self-protection. Mom didn’t want to be booted out of the Mother’s Club, even in someone else’s mind, or worst of all, her own.

If you’ve ever witnessed a good adoption, or another form of people raising children that are not of their body, you know that bonding often has little to do with genetics. Children are born of relationships that are not biological (hopefully!). Two unrelated people bond, and from this strong merger, their children are created, a bit of both of them. If it weren’t for the non-bio relationship, given our incest taboo, there wouldn’t be any children of the biological kind.

Dad didn’t tell mom for a long time that the aftermath of an infection she incurred, followed by an operation to remove a scarred fallopian tube and ovary on opposite sides, meant that she could never have children. Mom was squeamish to begin with and barely had an eighth-grade education. She wasn’t big on understanding or focusing on medical details. She did not question the years of trying without success or relate them to this event. Dad could not bear to tell her; her dreams were dashed. They were already raising my brother, a nephew adopted within the family. He was much older than I was, and Mom still longed for “children of her own.”

One of the most poignant chapters of my memoir recounts the day, at 18, when I told my parents I had known for 10 years that I was adopted. Mom’s was wistful, talking about her sorrow that she could never get pregnant. “But if we had been able to have kids of our own, we wouldn’t have you, baby.” I’ll never forget how she beamed and how he held my hand.

However you perceive Ultimate Creativity, Spirit often brings us family in forms way more imaginative than biology alone—which you have to admit, is one of the most innovative and amazing processes in the universe. My children have come in nieces, nephews, and fur kids and an assortment of other special relationships with younger humans and animals of all ages.

“It makes me sad that some kids missed having you for a mother,” my husband once said when the subject came up. It wasn’t in the cards, and it was nearly as big a heartbreaker for me as it was for my mom. But that never stopped me from nurturing, adoring children, and applying that mom energy in other ways. Abundantly. It’s probably the “damming” of that energy that causes non-biological moms to let it spill over into their other nurturing relationships.

I have a unique vantage point for viewing motherhood. One of my moms abandoned me; the other one smothered me. I had a lot to overcome, and finding my birth mom in my late thirties was the beginning of deep healing for my original mom and me. Out of respect for the mom that raised me, I couldn’t even admit to myself that I had needed to know my birth mom till my adoptive mom was gone.

Ultimately, I got to merge my two moms in my mind and heart and to see how nature and nurture both influenced my life. I became close to my birth mom, too. Our families merged and love one another. But frankly, I will always feel closest to the mom who “did the job.” When I found out at the tender age of eight that I was adopted and tried to process that blow, I could not believe I was not of my mom’s body.

Closeness—perhaps best represented by when we hug—is a desire to merge in a body-and-soul way with another person. Mother and child in pregnancy represent the most physical form of this merger.

Yet, as I have lost loved ones, I have learned that no matter how sweet, the physical bond has certain limits. Now I can conjure all my loved ones in my mind and heart, any time of day or night. It’s the only way I have access to them. I did that sometimes when they were “in a body,” but not nearly as often. Why connect in mind/spirit when I could get a hug and their physical presence?

We carry our mothers in our minds, anyway, sometimes admonishing us, sometimes cheering us on. The most important thing we can know about nurture is that it is limitless, it is without form, it is love in its purest sense …

… it comes from the heart and soul, even if we often use—and crave—our bodies to express it.

~~~

Photo: Mom and me, 1948

Get Guidance from Your Dreams!

Mark your calendar for your “dream date!”

April 20, 2009 @ 9:00 pm PDT


Watch Joyce Mason’s lively interview with Dänna Wilberg, host of the Paranormal Connection in the Sacramento area on Comcast - Channel 17. Anywhere else, watch on the web on Access Sacramento. Click on WATCH 17.

Here's a hint: Log on early! The web stream only holds 2000 viewers - if you are unable get online, call Access Sacramento: 916-456-8600. Let them know you want to watch "Paranormal Connection."

Topics covered include tips on remembering, recording, and deciphering your personal dream code. Hear some amazing results that speak for themselves about why you might want to play with your “Dream-Doh.”

Can’t make the web- or telecast or want supplemental information on this topic? Visit Joyce’s Dreamwork page on her Writer Joyce Mason website.

Photo Credit: DREAM © Adpower99 Dreamstime.com

Auntie Mame: A Tale for Today, Tomorrow, and Always!

“Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.’ –Auntie Mame



Who’s Auntie Mame?
She’s my heroine and mentor, a larger-than-life character. The movies, Broadway plays and musicals that tell her madcap story are based on the novel by Patrick Dennis, a book inspired by his real-life aunt. However, it was Rosalind Russell who brought Mame to life most in her 1957 stage performance and the 1958 movie, “Auntie Mame.” Her message? “Live, live, live!” She was an adventurer who advocated opening new windows and doors every day.

Mame has a lot to teach us, not only about getting the most from life in all its stages, but also how to deal with our current hard times. To quote Mame in the lyrics from the musical:

"We need a little Christmas right this very minute!”

We could use a lot of Auntie Mame--now.


The Basic Story
1928: Mame’s conservative stockbroker brother has just written his will. To his dismay, he is forced to leave his only son, Patrick, to Mame, his crazy sister and only living relative. He knows it’s just a formality, because he’s in perfect health. But just in case, out of concern for her influence on the boy, Mame’s brother names a conservative banker, Dwight Babcock from the Knickerbocker Bank to be Patrick’s trustee and to handle all the money.

As fate would have it, Mame’s brother drops dead at his health club the next day before the ink is dry on the will. Soon Patrick and his dad’s loyal Irish housekeeper, Nora Muldoon, arrive at the door of Mame’s apartment on Beacon Place in New York City. Their first encounter sets the stage for the rest of the story.

Mame is hosting a wild party with all kinds of bohemians and foreign dignitaries. Her close friend, flapper, and actress, Vera Charles, is suffering the latest effects of Mame’s free-flowing bootlegged booze. Being “hung” after one of Mame’s nightly parties and sleeping the next day past noon is par for the course at Beacon Place.

Patrick’s companion and former housekeeper, Nora, thinks she has brought the boy to a den of iniquity. Mame, though, wins him over immediately, and her bond with Patrick is instantaneous. “Come to me, my little love. I’m your Auntie Mame!”

But it’s not all fun and games. Mame’s worst hour is when she is caught defying Babcock’s edict to send Patrick to a stuffy, snooty boys’ school. Babcock discovers Patrick has never shown up at the school of his choice. Rather, the boy has been romping naked at an “experimental” school in the Village run by one Mame’s bohemian friends. Babcock arrives just as the kids and staff are acting out the way fish spawn. Not impressed by the spirit-freeing practice of nudism or such hands-on biology lessons, Babcock sends Patrick to a far-off boarding school. It breaks Mame’s heart.

Feast before Famine, a Tale for Tough Times
Soon, Mame’s heart was not the only thing broken. By now, it’s 1929—and you guessed it—Mame and all her wealthy friends are broke with the stock market crash. (Sound familiar?) How does Mame’s philosophy of “live-live-live!” cut it during the Depression? What does this heartwarming story tell us about living through tough times and flourishing in life all the way to the finish line?

For starters, Mame is not too proud to go back to work and open her mind to new ways of making a living. She tries three things—all disasters. When Mame goes back to acting and turns a Shakespearean style play into an episode of “I Love Lucy,” the star, her friend Vera Charles, is not amused. It just intensifies their ongoing rivalry since they acted together in days gone by.

Next Mame tries her hand as a switchboard operator. Remember, those were the days when the operator made the connections. Soon her board looked like a bowl of spaghetti after an earthquake. There were so many hang-ups and disconnects flying, she probably caused several international incidents.

But as they say, the third time’s a charm. The final job was still disastrous—an attempt at being a clerk at Macy’s during the holiday season. Mame couldn’t get the hang of writing anything but a COD order, or of how to keep her carbon paper from trailing out of her sales book. But here’s where the charm comes in. Mame nearly botches a sale with a rich, handsome Southern gentleman named Beauregard Jackson Picket Burnside. They fall in love and marry. Happy and prosperous days are here again!

Unfortunately, Mame’s bliss with Beau was short-lived. A shutterbug, during one of their trips around the world, Beau falls off an Alp stepping backwards for better perspective while taking Mame’s picture. After a lengthy gig as a melodramatic widow, Mame finally takes heart in writing her memoir, “Live, Live, Live!” This new project brings more amazing adventures to Mame, nephew Patrick, and their family of friends.

Mame’s Message for All Seasons
Whether life was up or down, Mame believed we should always, “open a new window, open a new door,” those juicy lyrics from the musical version, “Mame.” (Mame was played on Broadway in the musical version by Angela Lansbury and the movie musical by Lucille Ball.) Mame was rich in friends, an exchange that never crashed. Her loyal staff paid her bills with their savings when Mame was penniless. While we can’t all marry a rich Southern gentleman, Mame oozed integrity. She married Beau because she was in love with him, when her easy out, earlier, would have been to marry “dear Lindsay,” her prosperous beau before Beau. Mame refused to do in hard times what she hesitated to do during good times.

When the going got tough, Mame got creative. She wasn’t too proud to pawn her belongings. When her spirits needed lifting, she insisted that her little family celebrate Christmas early, because, “We need a little Christmas, right this very minute!”
Mame’s spirit was indomitable, her mind and heart both as open as the great outdoors, she had principles and a lust for life rarely matched. These are just some of the reasons why she’s my role model, but add one more. As a person not blessed with children of my own, auntie has been one of my most beloved roles in life. My nieces and nephews, no doubt, see me as their “unusual” Auntie Joyce, too.

Finally, like the baby boomers who read this blog, Mame just got cooler as her hair was touched by gray and she had a great-nephew to “open new worlds” for.

Mame Is Eternal
Recently on Facebook, I was asked to answer “44 Odd Things about Me.” Since I believe life doesn’t end with physical death, it was easy for me to answer the question, what song would you like played at your funeral?"

Open a New Window, Open a New Door …”

~~~

If Mame’s story inspires you, why not rent the DVD today? If you’re on Netflix, it’s available as a download right to your computer screen. Don’t underestimate the power of a funny movie with a fabulous message to uplift you during trying times or anytime.

Affirmations: Part 2, Column 2

My last post, Wall-to-Wall Inspiration, covered the topic of inspirational words, especially affirmations. There is a powerful second step to making affirmations work. It seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle in the smiley-faced enthusiasm of some of our more eager metaphysical go-getters. I’m making fun of myself, because I used to border on being one of them.

The Complications of Over-Simplifying

While I’m on the subject, there is a real danger in our culture of oversimplifying things to the point that they—or we—become caricatures. This is exacerbated by a culture that relies heavily on video as a medium for information and entertainment—always entertainment—even on the most serious topics. Everything is reduced to video clips and sound bytes, and the more we live media-driven lives—we micro-blog on Facebook and Twitter in a sentence or two—the more we are apt to lose the core nugget of truth for brevity.

For example, there is fabulous information in the movie, The Secret, which claims to reveal the most powerful law in the universe; however, if you don’t listen to it with a discerning ear, it comes off sounding like a very materialistic form of magic, one without heart and soul. As I say often, it’s not the tool; it’s how you use it. Knives are instruments of nurture to a cook, and in the hands of a skilled surgeon, a lifesaver. In the hands of a serial murder—not.

I don’t want to get into the controversy that has sometimes surrounded The Secret; it has its pluses and minuses like all people and things. But I do want to say this: affirmations are another one of those things that will either not work, backfire, or sound really stupid to seriously grounded realists if you don’t know the second step. The reason the smiley-faced metafoofoo types never seem to have gotten it? It has to do with negatives. They don’t like them. (I didn’t invent the expression metafoofoo for airy metaphysical types, but I do claim to have added the smiley-face! :) I think the perennial positive thinkers haven't yet found the positives in negatives.

The Positive of Negatives
Here’s the second step. You must spend time writing down the negative mind-chatter that pops in as you affirm your new way of thinking, your positive statement. If you do not get it out in the open on a piece of paper where you can face it squarely, it will sabotage you.

This takes some emotionally painful and rather time-consuming work. My spiritual teachers taught me that it takes writing the new affirmation and coughing up the negative self-talk 77 times before the new idea “sets.” Hopefully, it sets firmer than squiggly Jell-O and takes root in your mind like an oak tree. Remember, mighty oaks from tiny acorns grow. These little seeds of self-discovery will yield big.

I was taught to do this exercise by folding a standard piece of notebook or other 8.5 x 11 lined paper lengthwise. You set up two columns. You can call them whatever works for you. I usually marked them, simply, with the plus (+) and minus (-) symbols.

You need 77 lines, so use as many pieces of paper as necessary. Maybe it’s not a magic number, but it’s enough writing to do the job. You don’t have to write all 77 affirmations and your inner responses to them in one session, but if you can make the time, that’s ideal.

Here’s an example. I wanted to work with the affirmation: I am lean, fit, centered—energetic. For starters, I realized it’s a four-in-one, and I’d have to do those declarations one at a time, starting with “I am lean.” Here is some of what popped out in my process, with the Column 2 Minuses in parentheses:

1. I am Lean. (That’s a laugh. Just look at you!)
2. I am Lean. (You lean over cuz you’re so fat! That’s your “lean.”)
3. I am Lean. (Well, maybe under several inches of pudge.)
4. I am Lean. (But you had a fat mother; her mom and sister were fat. You come from a fat family!)

I don’t want to bore you with my obnoxious, personal demons, but I do want to report that at some point the talk in Column 2 will begin to change. It happens quite naturally:

18. I am Lean. (Maybe deep within)
19. I am Lean. (Hmm, well, OK, I think that’s probably who I really am.)
20. I am Lean. (Your uncle is fit and in control of his eating. He’s 82 and still traveling and having fun!)
By the end of this exercise, you will have actually downloaded the barriers to your beliefs and put them out in front of you where you can deal with them. I have lost 9 lbs. since affirming “I am lean” and dumping out my negative mind chatter for examination. I’m sure affirmations aren’t the only reason—I was using multiple tools—but I can’t deny they factored into it.) For some more excellent examples, especially about blocks to prosperity and manifesting money, read Using Affirmations to Uncover and Transform Negative Beliefs and Attitudes by Douglas Bloch, a profound self-help author who speaks from having walked the path from pain to wholeness. Also, here’s another similar spin on how to do affirmations with some additional and delightful twists, including singing them: Motivation Tips by Carla Valencia.

Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative
That peppy old tune by Johnny Mercer, Accentuate the Positive, sung by Perry Como, tells us not to mess with “Mr. In-Between.” In order to eliminate the negative, we have to find it! Rout it out like the rat infestation in my garage and turn the whole mess over to Mr. Clark, the namesake of our pest-control service. When we affirm without finding and eliminating the negatives, we haven’t finished the job—or the paper work. We are, indeed, messing with Mr. In-Between. We can’t get anywhere, because we are laying a foundation on faulty ground, one with potholes, sinkholes, and a host of hidden pitfalls and pratfalls.

Try this process, and please share your success stories with our Cool Insights family. It’s profound and practical!

~~~

Photo Credit: TORN BLUE PAPER FROM NOTEBOOK © Loraliu Dreamstime.com

~~~


NEW FEATURE: Cool Saging Conversations

Check out the new feature and sidebar on Hot Flashbacks, Cool Insights! I’m participating in a meme on Pop Art Diva’s Saturday Soapbox on various issues near and dear to baby boomers. Memes (pronounced meem, long e like beam), are a way of propagating culture, analogous to the biological transmission of genes. Anytime we communicate by whatever means about culture, these conversations propagate cultural evolution from one mind to another. In other words, if we talk about our culture, we change it! I will post Cool Saging Conversations beside my regular posts, not just in response to the Saturday Soapbox, but on all kinds of cool saging topics. Today’s inaugural post is response to the Pop Art Diva’s Saturday Soapbox on March 1, “Are We Wasting the Resources of Our Elders?”

Wall-to-Wall Inspiration

I have been on a spiritual quest most of my adult life. I have considered affirmations to be among my favorite tools for cool living ever since I first heard of them. I thrive on inspirational quotes, too.

Affirmations
As for dictionary definition, an affirmation is: Something declared to be true; a positive statement or judgment. These positive sayings recognize how the mind and spirit work to help create in synchrony with Higher Power. They are like magnets of attraction—positive thoughts and beliefs attract positive experiences. Most of us have had life-long training in how to find what’s wrong with things—or ourselves. How ‘bout declaring a whole day where you only look at what’s right? I’ve been amazed at how many situations have taken a U-turn toward much better outcomes when I have done this simple attitudinal turnabout.

Inspirational Quotes
Being a “word bird,” as one friend used to call me, I am probably more inspired by written language than most. I use a Franklin Planner, and I love the daily quotes. This year I’m using the Simplicity filler. (Simplicity is something I’m desperate to have more of!) Here’s one: The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. –Stephen R. Covey

I feature Simple Inspirations here on Hot Flashbacks, random quotes that pop up on the bottom of my blog. If you’ve never scrolled down that far, check it out! Sample quote: Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. –Antoine de Saint-Exupery. This saying has long been one of my most trusted measures of right relationship.

One of my favorite sources of words that keep me on track and often amused are the Quotes of the Day that I have activated on my personalized iGoogle page. Example: Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

There are mountains of quotation sites online. Try some, if you haven’t already: The Quotations Page, Think Exist (my personal fave to date), or Quotations for Creative Thinking.


On and Off the Wall
We are living in a time of economic distress. Favorite stores and businesses are closing by the droves. My own State of California has been hovering on the brink of bankruptcy. Several cities here that have already gone under. During this kind of bad-news bombardment, affirmations and inspirational words are more important than ever.

Wanting to take time for more of those pump-me-up words, I figured what better way than to “clock” them! I was in dire need of constant inspiration, so I visited Pop Art Diva’s Store at Café Press and bought the clock in the picture on this blog post. It reminds me to take the time to: Imagine, Trust, Believe, and Receive. Affirming these realities and feeling their truth activates the invisible stuff from which all substance flows. Our creativity helps draw to us ways to meet our needs through a variety of sources. We were given such blessings of ability, made in the image of the Creator. When we focus on universal abundance rather than believing that the latest distribution issue has to be our personal experience, we remain in the flow of divine substance. Substance comes in many forms, and it all begins with an open mind to tap into the source of all creativity and solutions.

God Helps Those …
The expression God helps those who help themselves could sum up the purpose of this post. Those who are less religiously inclined can think of it as, Good begets good.

What a piece of work is man. How noble his reason. How infinite his faculties. Shakespeare wrote it, and the cast of “Hair” sang it to us. When we can unite our minds with divine order or that which is good in humanity—the natural desire to seek our own perfection—we can really go places.

We can also get out of some really bad places like a blue funk, self-pity, poor self-esteem, and the down-spiral of a day going downhill or one pessimistic thought leading to another bad thing happening. Bad luck multiplies when our magnet is sending out bummer signals.

So, I say plaster the walls with good words … paper them, plaque them, clock them. Don’t be afraid to wear them on your person, even! I love word jewelry. When I turned 60, my friends and I created a croning ceremony as a positive rite of passage. During this acceptance of my sage role, I received a necklace that says on one side, Heals, and the other, With Words. You can order a necklace customized with anything you want on it from my friend JoAnna at Light Drop Jewelry.

When it comes to seeing the writing on the wall, Café Press is just once source of an abundance of products and ideas. It’s one of my favorites. Here’s one good reason why. In my post, Cool ‘Phinsights about my experience swimming with a dolphin named Eva in Hawaii, I mentioned what a baby boomer diva she is—the oldest at Dolphin Quest (38), but also the spryest because she is the highest jumper among her mates. My blog readers were all ready to adopt her as our dolphin diva mascot. I discovered that Café Press has a whole line of “Dolphin Diva” products. After that, I figured you could find just about anything there!

Dive in! Consider decorating your personal space with words to inspire. Make it a womb where you gestate the life and feelings you want to create and celebrate.